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I’m the Parent Who Chooses Not to Drink
I don’t drink because I watched my dad struggle with alcohol. He was a heavy drinker and spent many of my teenage years in and out of jail for DUI offenses. I still remember him showing up to my high school graduation drunk, stumbling up the stairs. I even bailed him out with money I made working at a pizza place. He passed away at 49, which hit me hard. At 19, I thought that was old, but now in my 30s, I see just how young that really is. He missed so much—my college graduation, my wedding, and he’ll never meet my kids. It’s a loss that still weighs on me.
I’ve had my share of drinks in the past, but since getting married, I made the choice to stop. Alcohol felt uncomfortable, like wearing a tight suit that just didn’t fit, and it always brought my father to mind. So, when my wife and I entered parenting, we decided together that we wouldn’t drink at all. We even embraced some aspects of Mormonism, which has connected us with other parents who also choose sobriety. Yet, as a dad to three kids and a parenting blogger, I often find myself in the minority.
A coworker of mine enjoys his “papa juice”—a gin drink he says helps him unwind after a long day of parenting. And while I can understand the appeal, there are definitely moments when I feel the urge for a drink to ease the stress of raising kids. I see all those memes about moms enjoying their wine, like the classic line from Christmas Vacation where Clark talks about needing help from Jack Daniels during the holidays. Sometimes, I wish I could have that sort of help, especially when I’m out with other parents and I’m the only one sipping on a soda.
I’ve lost friends over my choice not to drink, and I’ve faced pressure from others to just take a drink, as if it would magically make everything better. It’s frustrating for me as a sober parent. I often get asked how I manage parenting without alcohol, as though it’s some sort of superpower. I try to explain my reasons: my father, my faith, and that it’s not about health concerns. I live a normal life without drinking. Some parents understand, but many don’t. It feels like there’s never a good enough reason for some people, and that can be a little scary.
People have even joked if I’m a monk, or they think I must be bored not drinking. But honestly, being a parent is anything but boring. I’m fully present in my children’s lives, remembering every moment—the good and the challenging. I feel all the stress and joy without any haze. I also save money and avoid the worry of children sneaking into a liquor cabinet, like my dad did with me. I don’t want alcohol to ruin my family like it did for my parents.
Sure, my decision not to drink may stem from my past, but it’s also a choice I stand by. The downside? It can be lonely. Sometimes it feels like other parents mistrust me or won’t invite me over because they think I’ll be the sober party pooper.
If you have a friend who doesn’t drink, please understand that they made a personal choice. They’re not weird or untrustworthy. They don’t think they’re better than anyone else or lack the ability to have fun. They simply choose not to drink. So, invite them out, be supportive, and don’t pester them about it. They have their reasons, and whatever those reasons are, they are valid.
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In summary, my decision not to drink is deeply personal and rooted in my experiences with my father. It defines how I navigate parenthood, and while it can feel isolating at times, I wouldn’t change it for anything.