My Journey into Shapewear: Almost Waist-Training Like a Celebrity

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I’m feeling a bit breathless, my ribs are squeezed, and my brain feels like it’s wrapped in cotton. Somehow, I’ve wandered into the realm of waist training, and I’m not quite sure if I’ll stick around.

A few weeks back, I spent a restless night glued to home shopping channels. I dodged the temptation to buy a fancy gadget and a seasonal pumpkin vase. But when a familiar face from a reality show began raving about revolutionary tank tops that cradle your body like a warm embrace, I was hooked. Who doesn’t love a good hug?

She shared how she struggled with her self-image after having her baby and created shapewear to boost her confidence and glam factor. Sure, I’m over a decade postpartum, but who can resist the allure of feeling more fabulous? And wait, there’s more! Each tank was reversible, and she was throwing in three pairs of matching underwear for free!

This seemed like the perfect addition to my fall wardrobe. The fact that “Yummie” was in the name made it even more appealing. Who doesn’t want a hug that’s also delicious? However, the small tanks were sold out. The next size up was medium/large, and I hesitated. I usually drift towards the small side. What if they were too baggy to give me that cozy wrap I longed for?

Turns out, I didn’t need to fret. I got my hug alright, but it felt more like a bear hug from a clumsy giant than a gentle squeeze. I wrangled my arms into the first tank, took a deep breath, and finally got my assets into place. Then I tugged the extra-long tank down over my generous hips. Long tanks are a must for moms — bending over is a frequent occurrence, and no one wants a wardrobe malfunction!

But as soon as it hit my hips, the fabric flipped up quicker than a kid’s slap bracelet. I fought to pull it back down, and suddenly, my waist was cinched tighter than any 80s belt I knew. After catching my breath, I slipped on the matching undies, which reached just below my breasts. It wasn’t a full-on corset, but it was snug enough to feel like it was doing something.

Looking in the mirror, I saw an hourglass shape — not quite Kardashian-level, but definitely an improvement. All my soft spots were contained within the powerful fabric. I thought maybe if I wore this regularly, I’d stand a bit straighter and perhaps even achieve a smaller waist.

But there was that pesky breathing situation. If I decided to wear these daily, I’d need sticky notes around the house: “Short, shallow breaths! Don’t forget!” I’ve decided to rock the undies but ditch the tank tops, finding my happy medium in the shapewear world. Plus, I’ll just ask my daughter and partner for more hugs and indulge in ice cream, because that’s the way it should be.

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In summary, my shapewear adventure was a humorous mix of surprises and realizations about comfort versus style. While I appreciate the concept, I think I’ll stick to my original plan of cozy hugs and sweet treats.