The Unexpected Lesson I Gained From My Miscarriage

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You know, for every four women who successfully carry their pregnancies to term, there’s one who quietly endures the heartbreak of miscarriage. It’s a well-known truth that many women hold onto, which is why they often wait to share their pregnancy news. Who wants to be that person who has to break the bad news? So, these losses often go unspoken, but they are profoundly real for families who dream of the little life that won’t be.

When I first saw the word “pregnant” on that test, I was in disbelief. Wow! This is what we wanted! Yet, I also felt a pang of dread at the thought of juggling a newborn alongside our energetic toddler. Just then, I heard my husband coming in from the garage.

I had already bought a cute onesie for my 18-month-old daughter that read “Big Sister.” I hurried downstairs and dressed her up to surprise my husband with the news. I set up my phone to capture his reaction, but in the excitement of the moment, I forgot to hit record. He walked in, kissed me casually, then did a double-take at our daughter, eyes wide with surprise. “Seriously?!” he exclaimed, and his happiness washed over me.

That evening, I went off on a tangent about how I had skipped getting highlights and worried about how soon I’d look different during this pregnancy compared to the last one. I started reading up on the early stages of pregnancy, marveling at how the baby’s brain and features were forming. I began to feel a connection to the little one growing inside me.

We excitedly shared with our daughter that she would have a sibling to play with, explaining that a brother or sister would be the greatest gift we could give her.

Then, the unexpected happened. I started bleeding heavily. After two appointments and blood tests, we learned the devastating news: we had lost the pregnancy.

“Forget it,” I thought. “I guess I can have a glass of wine.” I poured myself a bottle and cried for the little life we had lost. Did I love that tiny embryo? Or had I been too focused on my hair and other trivial matters? Every baby deserves love, and I felt a wave of guilt. That night, I whispered “I love you” to that little being before drifting off to sleep.

I thought I had moved on, but two months later, the cruel irony hit me: all the newly pregnant women began announcing their due dates, and they were the same as the one I had lost. Why hadn’t anyone warned me about this?

First, there was Sarah, who had endured so much to conceive after rounds of IVF and surgery. I was genuinely happy for her; if given the choice, I would want her to keep her pregnancy.

Next was Lisa, a close friend. I accidentally blurted out, “Oh, my baby would’ve been born that same week,” without considering her feelings. She shared her own struggles with miscarriages, and while I was thrilled for her, I felt like a jerk for bringing it up.

Then, there was my friend Amanda, and finally, the one that really stung—a woman who had always been difficult and now complained about her pregnancy. She was due the same week I was supposed to be, and all I could think was how unfair it felt.

That made four. And of course, for every four pregnant women, there’s one like me who isn’t anymore. Yet, our OB told us we could try again, and boy, are we trying!

This doesn’t have to be a sad tale. Instead, it can be the push I needed to truly appreciate the next pregnancy and welcome a new baby with open arms.

Maybe I needed this wake-up call to help me cherish what I have. Reflecting back, I didn’t fully appreciate the little life growing within me; I was more focused on the challenges ahead. Now, I’m ready to embrace it.

As more friends announce their pregnancies, I’m keeping things in perspective. I’ve made a list of things I want to accomplish before getting pregnant again, and I’m checking them off one by one. I’ve spent time with family, treated myself to a massage, and enjoyed some fun outings with friends.

Next time, I’ll be sure to capture my husband’s reaction on video, preserving that moment forever. This time, I’ll be ready for another little one and will cherish the gift of life much more than before.

If you want to learn more about pregnancy and home insemination, check out this great resource. And if you’re looking for ways to boost fertility, Make a Mom has some excellent insights.

In summary, this journey has taught me to appreciate the little things and be grateful for the blessings that come my way. As I move forward, I hope to experience the joy of bringing a new life into the world, fully embracing each moment.