5 Things You’ll Need to Let Go of When Adopting

As a proud mom through adoption to three amazing kids who joined our family right after birth, I’ve learned a lot along the way. As someone with a Type A personality, I initially found the unpredictability of adoption to be quite challenging. The absence of consistency and timelines had me feeling a bit, let’s say, overwhelmed. With each addition to our family, I’ve had to learn to dial it back and embrace the unexpected. If you’re on the journey to adopt, here are five things you’re likely going to have to give up.

1. Privacy

Undergoing a home study (the necessary paperwork to adopt) is about as personal as it gets. You’ll need to air out your dirty laundry for your social worker’s review. Everything from your finances and past relationships to your parenting style and home environment will be scrutinized. Plus, once you adopt and it’s clear you didn’t carry your child, be prepared for some nosy questions like “How much did it cost?” or “Why did their birth mom give them up?” Grab some boxed wine to help you cope with the curiosity.

2. Money

Let’s be real: adoption can be pretty pricey. Between application fees, home study costs, and placement expenses, it adds up fast. But the real shock comes from the ongoing costs of raising a child. Between sports classes, dance lessons, and art camps, the expenses can feel like they’re eating away at your budget. With all the gear, a new minivan, and of course, that boxed wine, you might find yourself feeling financially stretched. And then you might start thinking about adopting again!

3. Control

When you decide to adopt, you relinquish a lot of control. You can’t dictate when your child will come home, which child will become part of your family, or how things will unfold once they arrive. The journey can feel like a wild ride, much like enjoying a late-night Taco Bell binge while you’re PMSing—it’s a total gamble. Embracing a lack of control can save you from unnecessary stress and maybe even some impulse shopping. And don’t forget, a little Xanax (or wine) can be a lifesaver for those waiting to adopt.

4. Pride

Time to swallow your pride! The combination of losing your privacy, giving up control, and watching your bank account dwindle means you won’t be living the high life. But let’s be honest—pride doesn’t serve you well in parenthood anyway. Connect with others who’ve walked this path, join a support group (preferably one with a healthy dose of wine), and adopt a mindset of learning and empathy. This journey is about being open and teachable.

5. Expectations

Having adopted three kids, I can tell you that nothing went as planned. From surprise placements to the challenges of open adoption, the road has been full of twists and turns. Instead of setting yourself up for disappointment with high expectations, try to keep an open mind. The adoption process is unpredictable, and the sooner you pour that glass of wine and relax, the more enjoyable the experience will be.

Letting go of these things allows you to focus on what truly matters: the joy of welcoming a new member into your family. If you’re curious about further insights, check out this helpful post on home insemination.

In summary, adopting requires you to give up your privacy, control, pride, and expectations, all while navigating the financial responsibilities that come with it. But the love and joy that come with expanding your family through adoption are absolutely priceless.