A Friendly Guide to OB Appointments for Expecting Moms

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Hey there, fellow expecting mama! If you’re gearing up for your first OB appointment, you might be wondering what to expect. Spoiler alert: it’s not exactly a thrill ride, but I promise it’s all part of the journey. Here’s the scoop to keep you in the loop:

1. First up, you’ll sign in while answering what feels like 27 questions about your insurance and that address you haven’t changed in over a decade.
2. Grab a seat in a chair that’s as comfy as a wooden bench with tacks—get cozy because you might be there for a bit!
3. Do your best to avoid eye contact with the other patients—except for the sweet old lady who’s blissfully unaware that chatting about the weather in a waiting room isn’t a hit.
4. Pretend to be intrigued by the outdated Golf Digest or a May 2014 issue of Good Housekeeping.
5. Play a little game of “Who’s Pregnant?” as you scan the waiting room crowd. That lady in the corner is a mystery!
6. Count your blessings if you’re not the mom wrestling her four kids while waiting for her appointment.
7. Eavesdrop on the woman who’s having a loud phone call on speaker—entertaining, but really? Can’t she see the sign that says “No cellphones”?
8. Aww, look at that couple here for their first appointment! Enjoy the show, dude—watching your partner get her vitals taken and experience the delightful speculum isn’t for the faint of heart. (Seriously, if this is you, encourage your partner to go solo next time unless it’s a big ultrasound.)
9. Wish you had brought a snack because your stomach is growling.
10. Briefly contemplate tackling the lady with the Luna Bar for a bite, but remember it’s the coconut flavor. Gross.
11. Pull out your phone because screw the “No cell phones” sign—boredom has set in. You’ve seen like eight people leave; where are they going?
12. Listen to the new arrival loudly complain about how long the wait is. Come on, you haven’t even skimmed through the Golf Digest yet!
13. Yay! Your name is called! Wait—why are you excited about getting your lady bits poked and prodded?
14. Step on the scale and try not to cry when you see the number.
15. Cringe as the nurse checks your blood pressure and shakes her head disapprovingly.
16. Attempt to pee in a cup that’s so tiny it feels like a sniper could miss it. Hope you manage to squeeze enough out—get ready for the lecture about hydration, even though you feel like a water balloon.
17. Repeat your due date and last menstrual cycle info for the fifth time that day.
18. Pull your shirt up and pants down for the nurse to check for fetal heart tones with the Doppler. Have a mini panic until she finds it. Good luck getting that sticky gel off your belly!
19. Cross your fingers that this appointment doesn’t require an exam.
20. Well, never mind…
21. Undress in a room that is either frigid or hotter than the sun.
22. Balance your half-naked self on a crunchy sheet of paper over a metal table, wishing you could escape. You’re too committed now—just read the birth control posters on the wall to kill time.
23. Wait.
24. Wait some more.
25. Wait until you’re about to scream from frustration.
26. Knock on the door! Time to get this show on the road!
27. Surprise! There’s an intern with the doctor who’s even younger than you and, oh boy, kinda cute. This is not awkward at all.
28. Stare at the relaxing poster of a mountain stream on the ceiling while the doctor does her thing. Fingers crossed you don’t spot anything later from the exam.
29. Questions, questions—what were you planning to ask the doctor? Make a mental note to write them down next time.
30. You might be sent for blood work—don’t worry, it’s just a gallon of blood!
31. Schedule your next appointment with the receptionist, who only has one slot left for the next eternity.
32. Leave feeling like you need a shower, some iron supplements, and definitely more water.
33. Swing by Burger King for onion rings—surely that counts as a veggie serving, right?
34. Mental note: bring a book and a snack next time. (You’ll forget.)
35. Rinse and repeat in a month, or sooner if you’re lucky!

Exciting, isn’t it? Some visits might involve even more fun, like diabetes testing or results that keep you on edge. And maybe you’ll get an ultrasound, but unless it’s a special appointment, don’t hold your breath. I know you’re looking forward to the next appointment, and I can relate! But hey, you’re on the path to becoming a mommy, and that’s pretty incredible!

For more information about pregnancy, you can check out this helpful resource. And if you’re interested in getting started with the process, visit Cryobaby for their at-home insemination kit. Also, don’t forget to read about privacy policies here to stay informed.