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The One Thing I Can’t Bring Myself to Share
Hey there! So, here’s a little confession: I’m a single mom. Yep, there it is. But those three little words don’t even begin to capture the whirlwind of emotions that come with it. Being a single mom is a journey filled with heartache, sacrifices, guilt, and a whole lot of confusion. It’s like carrying around a secret that I don’t often share with the world. If you peeked at my social media, you’d never guess what’s really going on behind the scenes. Even my kid’s doctor doesn’t know that his dad isn’t involved in our lives. Only my close friends and family are in the loop.
I still find myself holding onto hope, wishing things would go back to how they were. I’m deeply in love with my son’s father, and while I know I don’t need him, I want him in my life. It’s such a strange feeling. I mean, I’m a smart, independent woman, and I know my worth. Yet, my heart still aches for him.
After my relationship fell apart, I moved to a new town to be near my family. But adjusting to life as a work-from-home mom in a place where I don’t know anyone has been tough. I even took a leap and joined a local moms’ group, which felt like a blind date combined with the first day of school. My first meet-up was filled with anxiety, and when the moment came to share my situation, I choked. Instead of admitting I was a single mom, I awkwardly lied and said I was living with my boyfriend. What was I thinking? I just couldn’t bring myself to say, “Hi, I’m a little broken right now. I’m a single mom.”
I know I should feel proud of what I’m doing—navigating this journey on my own and doing a pretty good job at it, too! I’ve read all my son’s books so many times, I practically have them memorized. I’m the one who knows his every sound and what it means. I should embrace the fact that he gives me so many kisses and that I wake up every morning excited to see him, even after sleepless nights. I should celebrate the fact that I’m there for him during both the happy and tough moments.
One day, I hope to reach a point where I don’t feel a pang in my heart when I see other families at the park. I want to stop feeling like my son is missing out or that I’m an outsider in the world of motherhood. I’m confident that the guilt and what-ifs will fade, and I’ll find peace in my new normal.
This whole experience has made me a stronger person. My son is growing up in a loving environment without the negativity that can come from a toxic relationship. Looking into his bright eyes fills me with strength. It’s been almost a year, and while it’s getting easier, I know it will always be a challenge. But I’m ready to embrace my identity as a single mom and share my truth with the world.
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In summary, being a single mom is a complex journey filled with love, challenges, and growth. Although it’s tough, I’m learning to embrace my situation and find strength in my role as a mother.