Parenting
By Jessica Lane
Updated: July 29, 2016
Originally Published: Aug. 11, 2015
They say 40 is fabulous, but honestly, I can’t quite agree. I’m still on my way there, and it’s a bit of a struggle. I watch other women reveling in their newfound confidence while I grapple with my own self-image. I want to embrace this new chapter, but it feels like I’m not ready yet, even after my 40th birthday has come and gone.
I find myself trying to understand who I am beyond being a mother and a partner, beyond the person I became in my 30s. That decade was all about building and organizing, but now it feels like a puzzle that remains unsolved. My 40s are supposed to be the time when I finally define the woman that the last three decades have shaped me into.
As the days race by, I’m wrestling with my new reality. I see 40 staring back at me in the mirror, and I’m still taken aback. When did I transition? I can’t help but envy those women who have fully embraced this phase and even learned to love it. I feel like I’m lagging behind, trying to catch up. Perhaps they can lend me some wisdom because, honestly, I’m feeling a bit worn out.
I need more than the usual clichés like “40 is the new 30” or “age is just a number.” Sure, those lines hold some truth, but I’m not interested in them right now. We are so much more than a collection of tired sayings. I know I am more.
I want to appreciate my graying hair, as it’s quite fashionable now—gray is in! Young women are even dyeing their hair to achieve a look that once represented aging. Gray signifies something deeper now, a rebellion against stereotypes. So why can’t I see that?
I need to accept the evolving shape of my body, which I once wore with so much confidence. My body has birthed children and nurtured them through their infancy. It’s strong and resilient, perhaps even more so now than in my youth—maybe because it has weathered so much. It bears the battle scars of my life: the stretch marks, the sagging skin, and the softer abdomen that once housed growing babies. Why can’t I embrace this?
I long to remember my younger self with fondness, as her experiences have shaped who I am today. I want to face the next decade with an open heart, knowing it’s my time to shine. While I’m not old, I’m wise enough to realize how quickly time slips away. My days of having children are behind me, and I’m settled into my forever home, ready to build a life with my family. So what’s holding me back?
I need to cultivate gratitude for how far I’ve come. I have strong legs to carry me on runs through my beloved neighborhood. My heart beats steadily, my lungs are clear, and my mind is enriched with experiences. I’ve faced ups and downs, loss and triumph, and I’m still here. I’m fortunate every single day. So why isn’t that enough?
For me, 40 feels challenging. It’s an unfamiliar world that I haven’t quite unlocked yet, a place I yearn to discover. Those who have walked this path before me speak of it as a land of acceptance and peace, yet I’m still trudging through the remnants of my past. Maybe that’s okay—perhaps my past should walk alongside my present.
What I know for sure is that I’m on my way, but I could use a little more time. So to those of you who have embraced your 40s, please don’t judge me for taking my time to find my rhythm. This isn’t a race; it’s a journey, and I’ll catch up soon enough.
If you’re curious about more insights on parenting and self-insemination, check out this resource on pregnancy and home insemination, and for those looking into home insemination kits, this site is an authority on the topic. And for more on related subjects, consider visiting this blog.
Summary
As I navigate my 40s, I’m on a journey of self-discovery and acceptance. I grapple with my changing identity, body image, and the passage of time. While I admire those who have embraced this decade, I’m still finding my footing. Through gratitude and reflection, I hope to embrace this new chapter in my life.