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Don’t Lose Yourself in Parenthood
Being a woman means juggling countless roles, and let’s be honest, we look fabulous doing it. When my twins arrived three years ago, I embraced my new identity as “mom.” It’s undoubtedly the most rewarding title I’ve ever held, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything—though that title does tend to stick like glue!
For a long time, my life revolved entirely around my boys. I had friends, but our interactions were mostly through texts or social media. I couldn’t even keep up with those messages. As a stay-at-home mom, my week was filled with excitement from women’s bible study, weekend church services, and kid-friendly outings like the zoo or library. I was always with my boys—literally, always.
And honestly? I cherished every moment. They were my world.
But things took a turn when I returned to work full-time. Suddenly, I found myself battling a heavy cloak of mom guilt. It felt as if I had traded my constant presence for a life that separated me from them for 45 hours a week. I worried that being away would leave emotional scars—they had an absent father, and now they were going to daycare. It felt overwhelming.
Along with the guilt came the financial strain of childcare costs. Paying someone else to care for my kids while I worked felt like a cruel joke. I couldn’t bear the thought of spending money on “me time” when I could barely afford to keep them in daycare. So, my outings were limited to work and church, and I focused on being as emotionally available as possible during the time I had with them.
But let me tell you—it’s tough. I started to feel resentful and irritable. I knew I wasn’t the mom I aimed to be after a long day at work. My life felt like a constant struggle, and it started to impact my relationship with my kids.
As my boys grew older and I adapted to being a working single mom, I began to understand the necessity of carving out a little space for myself beyond just being “mom.” People would often say, “You need some time for yourself,” and while it sounded nice, it didn’t seem practical. But I’ve learned that it’s essential.
This applies to all parents—whether you stay at home, work part-time, full-time, or anywhere in between. We all need breaks to recharge. We give so much of ourselves to our children, but if we only make withdrawals from our emotional bank accounts without making any deposits, we risk hitting zero—and that’s not good.
Remember the saying, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”? It’s true. We need to nurture ourselves, to have moments away from our kids. Before we became moms or dads, we were individuals with our own identities, friends, hobbies, and yes, sometimes even adult conversations over a drink.
I find immense joy in spending time with my boys, but I’ve discovered that I’m a better mom when I take time for myself. “Mom” is an incredible title, but I’m also Jenna, and it’s been a journey to reconnect with that part of me. I lost touch with her amid the chaos of diapers and toddler tantrums.
Interestingly, becoming a mom has nudged me back toward discovering who I am. My boys have always been my sanctuary, especially during tough times, but these toddler years have encouraged me to seek out additional sources of joy.
It’s easy to lose ourselves in parenthood. This is why many couples face challenges after having kids, and why relationships can falter when the kids eventually leave home. Our children need us to be whole individuals, not just parents. They need us to thrive in our identities, so we can truly be present for them.
If you’re looking for more guidance on this journey, check out this post for more insights. And for those interested in home insemination, Cryobaby is a great resource to consider, and Medical News Today offers excellent information on fertility and pregnancy.
Summary
Parenthood can be consuming, but it’s crucial for parents to maintain their individual identities. Balancing self-care with parenting responsibilities not only benefits the parent but also enriches the parent-child relationship. Embrace “you time” alongside your role as mom or dad to foster a healthier family dynamic.