Why do celebrities make pregnancy look like a walk in the park? Seriously, can we just agree to stop that? They manage to look fabulous all the time. All. The. Time. Meanwhile, I have two kids—a son and a daughter—and let me tell you, my journey wasn’t always about cute maternity outfits and lovely baby bumps. Oh no, there were definitely phases in the “growing a baby belly” saga that I would have happily skipped. If you’ve ever carried a baby, you know exactly what I’m talking about!
Just like your baby’s development has its stages, your belly goes through its own transformation too.
Stage One
I’m pregnant!! Time to dive into all the stretch mark prevention tips, load up on cocoa butter, hit the maternity store for some serious shopping, and snap a few final pics of my pre-baby belly for social media. A beautiful life is blossoming inside me. I’m channeling my inner Mother Nature!
Stage Two
Okay, it’s been about three months, where’s the baby bump? I feel exhausted and nauseous, but there’s no visible sign of the little one wreaking havoc inside me. SHOW ME THE BELLY!
Stage Three
I wanted a bump, but what is this? This isn’t a baby belly; it’s just extra pudge. I feel like I just look fat. People are staring at me, unsure if they should congratulate me or suggest I move the candy bowl away from my desk. This is not what I had in mind. #Notfair. I guess the only thing left to do is take to Instagram and post pictures of fruits that are the same size as my baby, next to my round belly, to prove I’m pregnant!
Stage Four
The belly has arrived!! I HAVE POPPED AND THE BABY IS SHOWING!! I’m pregnant, everyone! Look at my beautiful belly! I am totally rocking this pregnancy.
Stage Five
Um… okay, the belly can stop growing now. Seriously, it’s a bit much. I expected a bump, not this size! With two months to go, people keep asking if I’m having twins. NO, I’M NOT HAVING TWINS! SHUT UP! I don’t think I can get any bigger. I’ll probably have this baby early. Yep, that’s my plan!
Stage Six
It’s official: I need to call the museum and have a sculpture made because I’ve become a freak. Is the doctor sure I’m not having twins? I look like I’m carrying a whole family in here! And why is my belly moving so much? It’s creeping me out. Also, those cocoa butter bottles? They lied! I have stretch marks from my lady bits to my boobs, which have also doubled in size. I want my money back. #Ripoff.
Stage Seven
Oh. My. Gosh. Somebody send help. I had the baby… I think. I mean, I felt everything, but I still look pregnant, sort of. My belly is huge and wobbly, resembling a deflated muffin top filled with jello. It looks like I’ll be in maternity clothes forever, and if anyone dares post a picture of me on social media, I will lose it!
Stage Eight (One Year Later)
Well, hello there, belly! I think I remember you from way back when. You look a bit different now, and some moms call those “tiger stripes” (I guess I’ve earned mine). You look pretty good considering everything you’ve been through. So, belly… are you ready for another tenant? I hear baby bumps are in these days!