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Navigating a Marriage with Two Different Faiths: A Friendly Guide
My partner, Jamie, identifies as a devout Christian. Not the casual, “I go to church on holidays” type, but someone who dives deep into biblical studies, truly contemplates their faith, and sees their church as a vibrant community.
On the other hand, I grew up in a Jewish household where the religious aspect was more of a cultural backdrop than a way of life. My upbringing was shaped by atheism, and I didn’t have a bat mitzvah, attend temple, or observe Jewish holidays in any meaningful way. Sure, we celebrated Passover at my grandparents’ and lit a menorah, but that was about the extent of it.
For a long time, I considered myself agnostic until reading Penn Jillette’s book God, No! made me realize I was more of an outright atheist. I do feel there’s something beyond the physical world—maybe a rhythm to the universe—but I don’t believe in a deity that requires worship.
When I fell for Jamie, I had a few personal rules, one being that I couldn’t date someone religious. However, Jamie somehow managed to break all my rules, and I fell completely in love.
We tackled our differing beliefs early in our relationship. Jamie is open-minded and willing to discuss anything. Our conversations never turned into conflicts, even with my background of having a gay father and my extremely progressive family. Jamie’s parents are also quite relaxed about religion, embodying the values of kindness and community service without being judgmental.
Then came the kids—something people warned us could lead to disagreements due to our different backgrounds. But guess what? Nothing happened. No fights. No confusion for the kids. No awkwardness during holidays or on Sunday mornings, either.
On Sundays, Jamie often goes to church, and sometimes the kids join. I admit I internally cringe a little when they come back with Sunday school materials, but I quickly move on. If they don’t want to go, they don’t go. I try not to lure them away with exciting plans, but life happens, and we manage just fine.
Celebrating Christmas is a joy for me; I’ve always loved it! Now, with a house full of Christians, I get to hang up lights without feeling awkward. I’m the Jewish person who adores Christmas, and it’s been that way for ages (a potential title for my first children’s book).
Hanukkah is straightforward; we light the menorah without prayers since I don’t know them. Other Jewish holidays often go unnoticed, but these days, schools close for them anyway.
Our son enjoys reading Bible stories and discussing them with Jamie, while also asking me about my beliefs. My daughter, at 7, is less curious and sometimes confuses things—like when she told her friends, “Mommy hates God,” which made me panic about her friendships!
You might find it hard to believe, but Jamie and I have never argued about religion or how to raise our kids. We’ve had many vibrant discussions about our differing views, and even when we approach it from completely different angles, we listen and strive to understand each other.
When we first started discussing our beliefs, we discovered two surprising things: First, we both adored The Chronicles of Narnia series, which I didn’t realize had Christian themes until later. Second, Jamie was astonished to meet someone with strong morals who didn’t derive them from faith, while I was surprised that Jamie could maintain such values with a belief in God.
In the past, Jamie was more fundamentalist and faced challenges with their church, ultimately leaving due to disillusionment.
So, what’s my survival guide? It’s simple: Respect each other. Jamie believes it’s God’s job to reach out to me, and I know that won’t happen. But I see the joy and strength Jamie derives from their faith, and I would never disrupt that. We both keep our hearts and minds open, which is key to our success. As the kids grow, their questions will evolve, and we’ll tackle them head-on.
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Summary
In a marriage where two distinct religions coexist, mutual respect and open communication can lead to a harmonious life. It’s essential to embrace each other’s beliefs while nurturing a loving environment for the children. By celebrating both traditions and encouraging curiosity, couples can successfully navigate their differences.