No, Guys, ‘Real Men’ Don’t Always Want Sex

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As parents prepare their kids for college, many will engage in important conversations with their daughters about staying safe from sexual assault on campus. Given the concerning headlines surrounding this issue, it’s crucial for parents to address these conversations with their teenage girls. However, it’s equally important to recognize that, as noted by Dr. Alex Johnson, a physician specializing in adolescent male health, college can be a time of significant sexual vulnerability for young men, too.

In a thought-provoking piece for Pacific Standard, Dr. Johnson highlights that male-on-male sexual assault is a documented issue on college campuses. Interestingly, female-on-male sexual assault often goes unnoticed. According to a 2013 National Crime Victimization Survey, 38 percent of reported sexual violence incidents involved male victims, with women responsible for 46 percent of those assaults.

Sadly, many cases of sexual assault against boys and young men remain underreported, largely due to the damaging stereotype that “real men” are always eager for sex. Dr. Johnson shares alarming statistics from his clinic, revealing that 3 to 4 percent of young men report their first sexual experiences occurred before they turned 10. While this is troubling, many of these young men don’t label those experiences as abusive. He also mentions older boys—ages 12 to college—who have had to fend off unwanted advances from girls, sometimes waking to find a girl attempting sexual acts with them.

Such experiences can create confusion for young men who are raised with the notion that “real men” should always be ready for sex. This mindset leads to a culture where sexual experiences are often regarded as a badge of honor, and those who hesitate or decline are sometimes shamed, being labeled as ‘gay,’ a term that still carries negative connotations in many circles. These societal pressures can contribute significantly to the underreporting of sexual assault among boys and young men.

While we’ve become more aware of the vulnerabilities faced by college girls, we often overlook the fact that boys can also be victims. There’s a common misconception that boys are always interested in sex and thus cannot be assaulted. Coupled with the fact that boys are typically larger and stronger than girls, this leaves many believing that it’s impossible for boys to be victims of sexual violence.

As a mother of sons, I understand the importance of teaching them about personal boundaries—making it clear that no one has the right to touch them inappropriately and that they should speak up if they feel uncomfortable. However, as I reflect on their teenage years, I realize I need to broaden those conversations to include discussions about their own sexual boundaries, and how to deflect or, sadly, report any unwanted advances.

Dr. Johnson emphasizes that while the issue may not be as prevalent among boys as it is among girls, further research is essential to fully understand its scope. It starts with educating young men about their rights and responsibilities regarding their bodies and sexual experiences. The damaging myth that “real men” are always willing to engage in sex needs to be dismantled.

If you’re interested in more about home insemination and its related topics, check out this helpful resource. It’s essential to have these conversations openly and honestly, just like discussing other important life lessons.

In summary, the conversation around sexual assault must not only focus on the vulnerability of girls but also recognize that boys can be victims too. By educating young men about their rights and the meaning of consent, we can challenge the stereotypes that perpetuate silence around male victimization.