23 Eating Guidelines, According to a Toddler

1. Insist on only eating Cheerios for breakfast. Enjoy them dry on Mondays, Thursdays, and alternate Fridays.
2. Have a mini-meltdown if someone gets it wrong.
3. Never, ever try something new.
4. Just because you loved something yesterday doesn’t mean you have to today. Changing your mind is totally fine, and no explanations are needed.
5. Be wary of anything that was once alive. Anything orange and lifeless seems much safer.
6. Demand a variety of foods at the grocery store, then either A. deny ever asking for them or B. wait until it’s cooked and then declare it unappealing.
7. Spend time learning brand names so you can legitimately refuse off-brand options.
8. Any cooking time longer than 30 seconds is simply unacceptable.
9. Inquire every 10 seconds about when the food will be ready. If it’s taking too long, throw a little tantrum on the floor.
10. Even if the meal is half-frozen, it doesn’t matter because you were never going to eat it anyway.
11. Wednesdays are officially a no-eating day, just because.
12. Always have a spoon, knife, and two forks at every meal, but eat with your hands anyway.
13. Insist on your favorite plate and freak out if it’s dirty.
14. Aim to spill as much food as possible on the floor. They say they’re always cleaning the kitchen floor – help them out!
15. Sweet potato chips? Totally offensive.
16. Steer clear of anything saucy; it might just have blended veggies in it.
17. Never drink water. They say, “You’ll drink it when you’re thirsty.” Don’t! Just wait until you end up in the hospital for dehydration. That’ll show them.
18. Always claim you’re hungry during bath time.
19. Train yourself to wake up for midnight bananas.
20. Casseroles, stews, and pies are to be avoided at all costs.
21. Sweet potato chips are still offensive.
22. If someone refers to broccoli as “little trees,” give them a gentle kick in the shins – it’s just rude and gross.
23. Avocado? No way!

home insemination Kit

For more parenting tips and humorous insights, check out this post on home insemination kit. If you’re looking for expert advice on the topic, visit Make a Mom as they have great resources. For further information on family building options, Resolve offers an excellent guide.

In summary, toddlers have a unique approach to eating that mixes preference, unpredictability, and a touch of chaos. Their rules may seem absurd, but they reflect a creative, if not humorous, perspective on food and life.