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Conquering the Birthday Blues: Reflections on Turning 42
As my 42nd birthday approaches, I feel that familiar pull toward the pantry, but this year, I’m determined to tackle the Birthday Blues head-on. Today, the day before my birthday, I’m focusing on all the ways this milestone will be even better than turning 21.
It’s interesting how we often romanticize our younger years as a time of unrestrained freedom and adventure. But honestly, I was quite the hot mess back then. At the time, I thought I was living my best life.
In my 20s, I felt invincible. I backpacked solo across Europe, traveled through Australia, and took on jobs in places I had never even been to before. I scaled the Alps and dove into the depths of the Red Sea. But deep down, I was scared of practically everything.
I worried I wouldn’t find my true calling, so I jumped at every job opportunity, trying on different careers like they were trendy outfits. I feared I’d end up alone, so I clung to relationships that weren’t right for me. I felt unworthy of love, so I put up walls that made me unlovable. I doubted my strength, so I tackled every physical challenge that came my way. I felt like I hadn’t experienced enough fun, so I overindulged (and let’s be real, I still don’t regret that). I pretended to be an expert on everything, terrified of admitting my ignorance. I envied what others had, thinking it made me lesser. I was so afraid of myself that I tried to be someone else entirely.
Fast forward to my 40s, and while I don’t see myself as fearless anymore, I’ve learned to embrace my fears. I understand that discovering my true path requires listening more than talking. You can’t drown out that inner voice, and trying to do so is futile.
I’ve realized that you don’t need to be perfect to find the right partner. By accepting my flaws, I open myself up to real love. I now comprehend the profound love a parent has for their child—nothing will ever change that bond. Strength isn’t just about what we do; it’s also about how we respond to challenges. My friend Emma’s mom fought cancer over Thanksgiving and went back to work the very next day, while her dad, despite his physical limitations, lives life with a joyful heart.
I’m still figuring out how to have enough fun, and I’ll keep you posted on that journey. At this point, I’ve gathered enough life experience to admit that I don’t know nearly as much as I thought. My kids remind me of this every day. Admitting “I don’t know” is liberating and helps me escape the trap of seeking perfection.
I often find myself advising my kids to apologize to each other, and I’ve come to understand how difficult yet impactful those words can be, especially when followed by “please forgive me.” While I still admire others’ seemingly perfect lives, I’ve largely accepted that God gives us what we need to grow, not necessarily what we want. Joy, sorrow, success, failure—it’s all enough.
Perhaps the most valuable lesson I’ve learned is that I am enough, just as I am—flaws, quirks, and all. Sure, there are still fears that linger. The world feels extra daunting when you welcome a child into it. I worry about speeding cars in the neighborhood, roller coasters malfunctioning, and even spiders lurking in unexpected places. But above all, my greatest fear is not having enough time with my loved ones and not using that time wisely.
As I embrace this new chapter at 42, those are the fears I’ll work on overcoming. Just wait—by the time I hit 84, I might actually have it all figured out!
For more insightful reflections on life and motherhood, check out this post on home insemination kits. If you’re looking for valuable tips on fertility, Make a Mom offers some great resources. And for a deeper dive into pregnancy and home insemination, Facts About Fertility is an excellent resource.
Summary
Embracing my 42nd birthday, I reflect on the lessons learned over the years, from overcoming fears to accepting imperfections. While I still have a lot to learn, I’ve come to understand that I am enough just as I am, and I look forward to what lies ahead.