I’m (Almost) Sure I’m Finished with Having Kids

home insemination Kit

I can confidently say that I’m nearly certain I’m done having kids. Most days, anyway.

My original plan was to have two children, and I’ve been fortunate enough to welcome two wonderful boys into my life. I adore them and often wish I could pause their childhood just to enjoy it a bit longer. However, I also appreciate the advantages that come with having older kids. My youngest is almost 3, and this summer he’s finally old enough to join in on some of the fun activities with his big brother. We’ve enjoyed family movie outings, shared laughs, and even taken bike rides down the street together. The boys have their playful moments (when they’re not bickering), and there are times when my husband and I can actually have uninterrupted conversations.

I’m looking forward to the freedom I anticipate once my youngest starts full-day kindergarten. Since my firstborn came into the world eight years ago, my work has been sporadic. I enjoy what I do, and I truly value my alone time (even just a car ride to work without kids would feel like a vacation!). Plus, the extra income is something our family really needs. The idea of working less for a few more years or adding another child to the mix feels impractical, not to mention the financial burden of raising another kid and eventually putting them through college.

Most of the time, I’m completely aligned with this plan. I tend to be a planner, and the thought of changing my plans is unsettling.

But then there are those moments.

One Saturday morning, we woke up with our youngest snuggled between us. My husband and I looked down at his sweet, sleepy face, his tousled hair catching the morning light. He rolled closer to me, and I noticed how perfectly his little head nestled in the crook of my neck. I took in his scent— a mix of old sunscreen and a hint of baby shampoo, but mostly just him, a fragrance that can never be bottled.

Meanwhile, my older son was already up, moving about without needing to check in with us. He turns on the TV and waits for us to shuffle into the living room, a stark reminder of how quickly my little one will grow into a boy who needs us less, who will no longer seek morning cuddles, and whose head won’t fit in my neck anymore.

A little while later, I scrolled through Facebook and stumbled upon a friend’s pregnancy announcement featuring a picture of her positive test. In that moment, it hit me hard: I will never be pregnant again. The thought of not experiencing all the joys of pregnancy, birth, and those early years with a newborn felt like a punch in the gut. But I kept reminding myself that this was the plan—to step away from all of that for good.

For a couple of hours, I mulled over these thoughts, crunching numbers in our budget and calculating how old I’d be when my youngest starts kindergarten (40) and wondering if I could ever envision having another baby before that (the answer was a resounding no).

That afternoon, I took on a big decluttering project in our home. After tossing out old menus and broken straws, I wandered into my older son’s room. As I sorted through a pile of books on the floor, I came across a board book that both my boys had cherished as babies. It was called “First Words,” featuring bright photos of everyday objects like dogs, shoes, and balls. This book had seen better days, held together by packing tape.

When my older son was little, I saved all his things for the next child (and I still do—my younger son is living in hand-me-downs). But as I looked at that beloved book, I recognized that it was time to let go. I snapped a picture of it and tossed it into the garbage pile.

It’s funny how quickly my fleeting desire for another baby disappeared. I realized I didn’t feel that strong longing after all. Instead, I placed the book in a box of keepsakes, just in case our boys decide to have children of their own someday—or if I find myself getting nostalgic as I approach my 40th birthday.

So there you have it: I’m almost certain I’m finished having kids. But every now and then, those feelings can creep back in, reminding me of the joys of motherhood.

For more on this journey, check out this post on home insemination. It’s a fascinating topic, and if you’re looking into options, you might also explore resources like Healthline for excellent insights on intrauterine insemination.