Trading a Kidney for Madonna Tickets

home insemination Kit

My infatuation with Madonna began at an early age and hit me like a ton of bricks. Like many of you, my first dance routine was to “Lucky Star,” and while skeptics claimed it was a fleeting phase, my unwavering admiration has remained as vibrant as ever. Honestly, it’s been a constant thread throughout my life.

Madonna’s album Rebel Heart is undoubtedly her best work, and the latest teasers for her tour have sent me spiraling as I grapple with the staggering ticket price—nearly $1,000 a pop. Pole-dancing nuns? That’s got to be for “Holy Water.” I simply must be there.

However, being a stay-at-home mom to a toddler means our budget doesn’t stretch to include Madonna tickets. I know, what was I thinking? How did I not set up a Madonna emergency fund before having kids?

WWMD? (What Would Madonna Do?)

I brainstormed various ways to fund some decent tickets with a little swag (because if I’m going, I want a cool T-shirt to remember the experience). Here are my thoughts:

1. Maybe I could try elimination communication with my baby. If I stopped buying diapers, I’d save around $45 a box. The catch? Being on constant poop patrol might put a damper on any work-from-home gigs I found on Pinterest.
2. I signed up for online surveys at Swagbucks, but the payout takes forever and is just in the form of Starbucks gift cards. I doubt Madonna would perform for a lifetime supply of coffee.
3. eBay might work. I could sell things I no longer use: roller skates, a wetsuit, Louboutin pumps, a stove. But honestly, I’d probably only make about $6 after shipping and arguing over the authenticity of my worn-out red soles.
4. GoFundMe or Kickstarter? Do people actually donate to such self-indulgent causes? Would my friends think I was joking about fundraising like they did when they didn’t invite Madonna to my baby shower? Yes, she was on my must-invite list!
5. Perhaps I could auction off my out-of-print copy of Sex, but what true Madonna fan would part with that gem? It’s so bad, it’s good!
6. At this rate, selling a kidney might be my only viable option.

Let’s Take a Moment to Reflect

Due to my childhood financial struggles, I missed out on experiences like attending the Like a Virgin Tour while my friends donned white lace and crosses. I was so envious, and I didn’t even know what a blow job was back then! When HBO aired the Blonde Ambition Tour and The Girlie Show, I caught glimpses of what I was missing. My fate seemed to be limited to watching her concerts on TV, yet my devotion remained strong as I glued myself to MTV during her pregnancy, even as they stalked her hospital room. Creepy in hindsight, but I was captivated like everyone else.

As the Drowned World and Re-Invention tours passed me by, it became painfully clear that a Madonna concert wasn’t in my future. Just when I thought I’d given up on my Madonna dreams, a friend surprised me with tickets to the friends and family performance of the Confessions Tour. I cried like I just won a pageant! For the first time, Madge was so close I could see the sweat on her brow. The atmosphere was electric, and I promised myself I’d never miss another Madonna show.

When Hard Candy came out, I flew to Las Vegas with my best friend to see her perform in style. I returned home with a Sticky & Sweet Tour jacket and a mug that eventually chipped and shattered. Even while eight months pregnant, I waited until 10:30 PM for Madonna to take the stage. No regrets, not even the swollen ankles that followed.

Now, with my Madonna history in mind, you can understand my disappointment at potentially missing what will be the most epic concert of her career. Unfortunately, selling organs is illegal in the U.S., and even if I could sell a kidney, I know so many deserving people are waiting for one. So, I’ll hold onto mine, especially since my children might need it one day.

Like Madonna, I’m a mom first. We’ve all watched her grow in the spotlight, pushing boundaries and inspiring social change while encouraging us to dance. So, while I may be sitting this concert out, my love for the Queen will never fade. I’m at peace with that, though I might be on the lookout for a scalper come October.

For more insights on home insemination and related topics, check out this post and for expert advice, visit Make A Mom. Additionally, Science Daily offers excellent resources on pregnancy and fertility.

Summary

My lifelong adoration for Madonna has faced a challenging roadblock as her concert tickets skyrocket in price. With a toddler at home and a budget that doesn’t include concert funds, I brainstormed various outlandish funding ideas, including selling a kidney. Despite my disappointment in potentially missing the concert, my love for Madonna remains strong, and I’ll be seeking alternatives come showtime.