5 People I’m Grateful Not to Be on the Beach

home insemination Kit

Not that they aren’t stunning! They really are. They look fabulous. But sometimes, that kind of self-awareness and constant striving for perfection isn’t as enjoyable as splashing in the waves with a tankini that’s not quite holding up and a bit of sand stuck everywhere. Here are five folks I’m glad I’m not at the beach:

1. The Teenager: You know the one—whether they’re the skinny one, the curvy one, or the perfectly average one, they’re always tugging at their swimsuits with disdain. They’re missing the joy of their own radiant, beach-sand-kissed bodies—their robust health and energy are like a powerful engine ready to race. Oh, how I want to tell them: Your body isn’t just for show or criticism; it’s a vessel for your one wild and precious life! Treat it like a cherished guest (and I’ll remind myself to do the same).
2. The Grad Student Duo: There they are, deeply engrossed in their matching copies of Gramsci’s Prison Notebooks. I mean, come on! Even The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants feels like a stretch for the beach. I prefer to doze off with a half-read New Yorker imprinting sunblock on my cheek.
3. The New Parent: Picture a weary mom nursing her little one in a hot, sandy nursing tent, waiting endlessly for a much-needed iced coffee. Oh, sweetheart, I feel you! Been there, done that. Just take that baby back to your comfy motel room, kick back, and flip on some HGTV. The beach will still be there when your child is a bit older.
4. The Kale Salad Enthusiast: There’s always that parent trying to feed their kid kale salad while he holds up sandy hands like he’s been arrested. Trust me, I’m all for healthy eating at home, but it’s the beach! This isn’t the time for fermented beets from a fancy container. Although if I could win the Lay’s potato chip contest with the “New York Reuben” flavor, I wouldn’t mind—imagine, $333,333 for a word! I may need to rethink my writing career.
5. The Towel-Wrapped Individual: You know the one, holding a towel around her waist to hide her gorgeous, albeit 30-year-old legs. I’ve been there, but believe me, it gets better as you age! At 40 or even 46, shedding the shame and modesty feels liberating. Turns out, hardly anyone cares about my dimpled thighs. My kids may cringe at the thought of bikini waxing, but really, they’re not my target audience—because the one who matters is right here, appreciating me in all my beachy glory.

I used to feel sorry for people like me—hairy, rumpled, laughing with snacks stuck in my teeth, and slathering sunscreen on my pale legs without a care in the world. Who knew that middle age would be the secret to my ultimate beach happiness?

If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, check out some other posts on our blog about intracervical insemination. And for all your essential home insemination needs, visit Make A Mom; they’re an authority on the topic. For a deeper understanding, this Wikipedia page provides great insight into pregnancy and the world of home insemination.

In summary, there’s so much joy in embracing our imperfections and letting go of societal pressures, especially at the beach. So let’s celebrate our unique selves and enjoy every moment!