Whether you’re striving to meet your parents’ expectations as a parent or aiming to surpass their legacy, they inevitably become the yardstick by which you measure your own parenting skills.
Growing up, my parents were the quintessential achievers. By the time my siblings and I encountered any family rules or decisions, they were already set in stone—non-negotiable. Somehow, they managed to raise three artistic kids who still aspire to be punctual and organized but often fall short of that ideal in our day-to-day lives.
It’s fascinating how different we turned out despite sharing the same upbringing. Each of us has taken a unique path—one sibling is a pediatrician, another is an architect, and I’m a writer. Although we’re all creative in our own ways, our careers and lives are distinctly our own.
Even as adults in our 40s and 50s, we still find ourselves conscious of our parents’ opinions. We constantly consider, “What would Mom and Dad think?” as we navigate life and raise our children. It’s as if they’re our collective conscience, shaping our choices as individuals, parents, and members of society. That’s a tough legacy to replicate.
I remember the first night I held my newborn daughter, Lily, in a rocking chair, staring into her sweet, unfocused eyes. I thought, “What will I do to mess her up in the next 17 years?” Now, at almost 14, she’s likely drafting her own list of grievances. Recently, while packing her for summer camp—right in that same spot—I was hit with a “don’t be so controlling, Mom.” Yeah, her list might just keep on growing.
Our kids love us to the moon and back. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s out of a touch of Stockholm Syndrome, but mostly I believe it’s genuine love, teetering on friendship. Yet, there’s this nagging feeling of guilt hanging over me, a cloud that makes me question how I might be complicating their lives as they navigate adulthood. I should probably avoid sharing so many stories about them in pieces like this, but perhaps I’m just helping them build material for future therapy sessions.
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In summary, our parents set a high bar that can be both comforting and daunting. As we navigate our own parenting journeys, we find ourselves forever influenced by their example, even as we strive to carve our unique paths.