Mom Friends vs. Friends Who Are Moms

home insemination Kit

Updated: April 29, 2021
Originally Published: Aug. 25, 2015

“Don’t hesitate to use a nipple shield,” I mentioned to a new mom recently. “Cracked nipples are no joke!”

“Ooh, brace yourself for some bright orange diapers after he tries sweet potatoes,” I cautioned another mom getting ready for her baby’s first taste.

It’s often hard to distinguish who’s a close friend and who’s just someone I met moments ago when chatting with fellow new moms. Our shared experiences create an immediate bond, and it’s remarkable how quickly we connect. I typically don’t give unsolicited advice about breastfeeding to strangers, but when a new mama joins our support group, it’s like she’s automatically part of the family.

As I navigate my early 30s, I find myself in a phase of life where many friends are having babies. Two of my close friends welcomed little ones shortly after I had mine, and it’s been fantastic to share this journey together. There’s no need for introductions; I already know how great they are, and now we can add parenting topics to our conversations. These are my “friends who are moms.”

It’s so refreshing to have friends who totally get that our movie nights now begin after the baby’s bedtime. They send out invites that say “babies welcome :)” because they understand that our children are part of the fun, not a hassle. It feels like we all picked up the same hobby at the same time, and now we’re navigating it together.

However, I’ve also encountered a new category of “mom friends”—people I might not engage with much if we weren’t both navigating motherhood around the same time. They’re lovely, don’t get me wrong, but I often find myself realizing that while I know all about little Oliver’s favorite book and his naptime routine, I don’t know much about his mom, the person I’ve been chatting with for a while. She’s primarily just another mom, and our connection revolves around our kids. That makes her a “mom friend.”

The good news is that the line between these two categories is fluid. I have a number of “friends who are moms” who started off as just fellow breastfeeding mamas. Now, I see their interests shining through in their social media posts and the articles they share. I ask about their careers, partners, and lives outside of parenting. They become fully realized individuals in my eyes.

I suspect my circle of “mom friends” will grow as my child gets older and starts forming her own friendships (I hear birthday parties are a unique adventure for parents!). I’ll need to brush up on my small talk and remember which topics are best left undiscussed. Eventually, playdates will turn into my daughter making friends independently, and “mom friends” will transform into casual mentions of “Jessica’s mom.”

For now, I find myself in this fascinating space where I discuss breastfeeding tips and baby bowel movements with women I’ve just met. This sudden intimacy among “mom friends” develops quickly. We’re all longing for adult connection and reassurance that our experiences and children are “normal,” so we cling to each other, seeking shared experiences and validation. While these situational friendships might not run as deep as my longstanding ones, they’re still incredibly valuable.

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Summary:

Navigating friendships in motherhood can lead to two distinct groups: “friends who are moms,” who share deeper connections beyond parenting, and “mom friends,” who connect primarily through their children. While the connections with “mom friends” may be shallower, they can offer essential support and bonding in the shared challenges of parenting. As children grow and friendships evolve, these dynamics will continue to change, enriching the experience of motherhood.