The 8 Types of Veteran Parents Every New Parent Encounters

Becoming a parent can feel utterly overwhelming, especially when you realize just how little you know about the whole process. In your quest for guidance and support, you’ll inevitably cross paths with seasoned parents—those who have navigated the newborn phase before you. However, not all of their insights are created equal! Here are eight types of veteran parents you might meet along your journey.

1. The Baby Whisperer Parent

Often an older relative, like a grandmother, this parent swears they have a special connection with your baby. They’ll confidently tell you what your little one “really wants” at that moment—whether it’s to be cuddled, fed, or changed. Interestingly, this “insight” often comes just when they’re ready to pass the baby back to you. If you don’t take their advice, don’t be surprised if they shift into “Ventriloquist Parent” mode.

2. The Ventriloquist Parent

This parent loves to channel your child’s emotions, often using exaggerated baby talk. When your newborn is crying—despite having just been fed countless times—the Ventriloquist might hold the baby out and say, “I’m hungwy! I need somefing to eat!” It’s hard to get annoyed with them since it feels like you’d be yelling at the baby instead. Clever move, Ventriloquist Parent!

3. The Fraternity Brother Parent

This is the parent who takes pleasure in scaring new moms and dads with tales of sleepless nights. If you mention being tired during your pregnancy, they’ll chuckle and say, “You think this is tired? Just wait until the baby arrives!” Once your little one is here, they’ll share horror stories about their child not sleeping through the night until they were practically in high school. Thanks for the pep talk, Frat Bro!

4. The Forgetful Parent

This parent might be someone you know with older kids, and you think they’ll remember the newborn stage like it was yesterday. However, they hold your baby with all the confidence of someone dealing with a bomb! They might even forget how to warm a bottle. Suddenly, a flicker of recognition might hit them when they start rocking the baby, only for them to exclaim, “Oh, right. I remember this!”

5. The “Been There” Parent

Typically from an older generation, this parent has forgotten what it’s truly like to raise a child. They’ll reminisce about the “good old days” and how they raised their kids without worrying about things like safety regulations or sunscreen. When you’re simply trying to keep your little one protected from the sun, they might raise an eyebrow and say something like, “We didn’t worry about that!” Thanks for the unsolicited advice, but we’re trying to keep up with modern parenting!

6. The Sneaky Snacker Parent

When your toddler returns from a playdate with this parent, they often look a little too happy and refuse dinner. When you ask what they ate, they describe a sugar-laden masterpiece that sounds more like a dessert than a meal. When you confront this parent, they’ll shrug it off, claiming, “I could tell he really needed a pick-me-up.” Sure, buddy, but at what cost?

7. The Finger-Wagger Parent

This type is usually a stranger, quick to point out all the ways your child could potentially injure themselves. They’ll express faux concern, saying, “I’m worried he’s going to hurt himself!” but what they really mean is, “You’re not watching your kid closely enough.” Thanks for the reminder, but I assure you, I’ve got it under control!

8. The Lifesaver Parent

Lastly, this is the gem of the bunch! This parent will show up at your door with a homemade meal, ready to hold your baby so you can catch a much-needed nap. They’ll even take care of some chores while chatting with you about your worries, offering a shoulder to cry on about everything from sleep schedules to postpartum recovery. Thank goodness for the Godsend Parent!

As you navigate the world of parenting, may your encounters with the first seven types be brief and your relationship with the Lifesaver Parent be long-lasting. Because let’s be honest—someone’s got to help you figure out how to assemble that co-sleeper!

For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out this excellent resource from the CDC on pregnancy. And if you’re curious about fertility boosters for men, you can learn more here.

Summary: Becoming a parent can be overwhelming, and along the way, you’ll encounter various types of veteran parents. From the Baby Whisperer to the Lifesaver Parent, each offers their unique perspective. Remember to cherish the support of those who uplift you while navigating the sometimes chaotic world of parenting.