I hate to break it to you, but it looks like we’re diving headfirst into cowl necks again. Yes, you heard that right. Just when you thought we’d seen the last of this dreadful neckline, it’s making a comeback. A few years ago, cowl necks had a brief and sporadic revival, but I was relieved when they seemed to fade away. I thought we had bid farewell to this fashion faux pas long ago, yet here we are, facing a resurgence. It’s as if there’s a secret cowl conspiracy brewing!
Now, I get it—cowl necks come in different styles, and not every cowl is created equal. Fashion gurus would have us believe there’s a cowl for every woman out there. The chunky, bulky knits are a far cry from the soft, draping cowls made from finer fabrics. But honestly, I haven’t encountered a cowl that I could bring myself to like. Never have, never will.
As stylish women, it’s time for us to band together and push back against the cowl industry. Seriously, who decided that cowls would flatter women of all shapes, sizes, and ages? Did Calvin or Ralph have a moment of madness and think, “Hey, cowls look amazing on monks, let’s put them on everyone else”?
My disdain for cowl necks took root during my teenage years, a time when girls are trying to figure themselves out. I was no exception, experimenting with different looks and identities. When friends would ask me how they looked in their cowl necks, I’d stuff a cookie in my mouth to avoid being seen as a cowl sympathizer.
You have to understand, during high school, I was small-chested (still am) while everyone else was sporting cowl necks. In 1983, every store I walked into screamed “Cowl!” There were cowl neck tops, dresses, and an abundance of those pastel angora sweaters. Don’t even get me started on angora! Whenever I tried one on, it just never draped right. Plus, I wanted to be able to see my toes, am I right?
I often felt trapped by cowl necks and turtlenecks, which back then had absurd zippers at the back of the neck, making it hard to breathe or swallow. You know the ones I mean—those unfortunate styles with snaps at the crotch? Yeah, that’s the stuff of nightmares! With little variety in stores, it felt like I was being forced into wearing cowls. Going without a top would have been liberating, but I was far too conscious of how others viewed me. There was no online shopping back then, no Zappos or Shopbop to escape the cookie-cutter mall clothing. I felt stuck in a world of cowls.
And let’s not forget my mom! A known cowl enthusiast, she would buy me cowl neck sweaters, convinced I’d look just as good in them as she did. I vaguely recall her having to persuade me to wear one for a fancy dinner out.
It’s not that I think cowls don’t look good on some people; they do! My mom rocked them, and I remember Loni Anderson looking fabulous in hers. But maybe it comes down to this: you need the right assets—like the curves of Anderson or the flowing hair of Valerie Bertinelli—to pull off a cowl neck. How many of us fit that bill?
In moments of self-reflection, I wonder if I’m being too harsh on the cowl. Perhaps it’s me who fails to embrace its intricacies, given my lack of experience with all that extra fabric near my chest. But no, I refuse to let this become my personal flaw!
Look, I know there are plenty of other necklines that work wonderfully for me. Halters? Yes, please! Strapless? Bring it on! I’m not as restricted as I was 30 years ago. I thought the world was full of cowl-free options nowadays, but the abundance of cowls in stores tells me otherwise. Just the other day at Marshalls, every single sweater was a cowl. Is New Hampshire a secret stash for cowls, or is this a wider epidemic?
We can’t let this happen, ladies. We can’t go back to the cowl days! Soon, everyone at work will be in cowls, and my students will be flaunting the latest styles from Forever 21, thinking they’re trendy. My mom might even dig out her old cowls from the attic.
It’s just too much to handle.
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Summary:
Cowl necks are making a comeback, much to the dismay of those who have long disliked this style. Despite the variations in cowl designs, many women feel that they don’t flatter all body types. The nostalgia of past fashion choices and the pressure of societal expectations continue to influence opinions about the cowl neck. It’s time for women to unite against this trend!