I recently took my three kids to the dentist, and let me tell you, it was an experience! I can’t say I knew what to expect, but I certainly didn’t imagine it would be this chaotic. While waiting for the second child’s appointment, I surveyed the waiting room. One child was crying (tooth pain), another was screaming (we forgot the favorite blanket), and the third was hiding under a table, making a new friend on the floor. I finally declared, “I can’t deal with this anymore! Let me know when they call your name, Kayla.” I scooped up the screamer and headed down the hall.
As I walked away, I overheard Kayla’s new friend from beneath the table ask, “Is that your mom?”
“Yep.”
“Then why are your skins different colors?”
“Because I got adopted.”
I wanted to stop and hear how this conversation unfolded. Would it lead to more questions? Would Kayla feel comfortable discussing it? But with my toddler still wailing, I reminded myself that she could handle it and continued out the door.
When I returned, they were chatting about unicorns, so it seemed the discussion didn’t go too deep!
When I became an adoptive parent, I anticipated discussing adoption frequently. What I didn’t foresee was that my kids would be the ones talking about it quite a bit, thanks to the curiosity of others. Unlike families where children share similar appearances, being a transracial adoptive family means that our adoption story is immediately visible to onlookers. People often wonder if I’m the babysitter or the adoptive mom, and they are quick to ask which role I fill.
If you’re stepping into the world of transracial adoption, here are a few things to get used to:
- People Will Stare.
Initially, it can feel awkward, as though you have something stuck in your teeth. Over time, you’ll become accustomed to the curious gazes—until a friend joins you and comments on it! - Questions Will Come Your Way.
Some folks may ask about adoption out of genuine interest for their own families, while others might just be nosy. Your family has a unique insight that prompts those burning questions about adoption. - Assumptions About You.
People might assume various things about your journey: perhaps fertility issues led to adoption, or they may think you don’t love the kids as much. It can be surprising what stereotypes people hold. - Assumptions About Your Children.
People may also make judgments about your kids, from their backgrounds to their potential based on their race. As a transracial adoptive parent, you’ll often find yourself debunking myths surrounding adoption and race. - You’ll Be Remembered.
Whether it’s the cashier at the grocery store or the soccer mom from years ago, people will remember your family. This can lead to some perks, like extra treats for your kids, but it also means every little thing will be noted.
I genuinely love being part of a transracial adoptive family. It enriches my life in countless ways (most importantly, my amazing kids). However, it can be challenging to navigate the complexities that come with it.
If you’re interested in more insights about pregnancy and home insemination, check out this post. Additionally, for those looking to boost fertility, you can visit Make a Mom. For a better understanding of assisted reproductive technology, Wikipedia has some great information.
Summary:
Being part of a transracial adoptive family brings both joy and challenges. From navigating curious stares to addressing assumptions about your family and children, it’s a unique journey. Embracing these experiences while fostering open conversations about adoption can make the journey rewarding and fulfilling.