Lessons I’ve Gained After Losing My Father

home insemination Kit

Updated: Aug. 3, 2016

Originally Published: Sep. 1, 2015

The last time I spoke to my dad, it was a mix-up. He called me from a bus stop in New Mexico while trying to reach my aunt for a ride. I can’t recall much of our chat, but I remember sharing news about my new job and asking if he’d swing by to see us on his way home. His soft reply, “Not this time,” still echoes in my mind.

A few days into my new role, I received a call from my aunt that changed everything. “Are you sitting down?” she asked. “Your dad’s had a severe stroke. They’re doing all they can, but it doesn’t look good. I’m so sorry.” Just like that, my world shattered.

The ensuing days are a blur. I chose not to fly out to see him, not wanting my last memories to be of a frail version of my father. Instead, I leaned on my usual coping mechanism: writing. I called the hospital, and my uncle held the phone to his ear as I poured my heart into a letter. He passed away five minutes after I hung up.

Almost three years have passed since that day, and I finally feel ready to reflect on what I’ve learned about love, life, and grief without breaking down completely. It feels like I’ve aged ten years during this period.

Grief Never Truly Leaves You

Grief hits hard and fast, like a freight train. It can knock you down or make you want to hide from the world. While it never fully disappears, it does transform over time. Now, I find myself smiling amidst the memories, but I still have days when I need to pause and let the tears flow. The ache of missing him remains, but some days I can express that more easily than others.

Laughter Is a Healing Force

The sadness of losing someone is overwhelming. I often feared it would consume me completely. I remember asking my partner if I’d ever laugh again. It’s crucial to surround yourself with joy. For me, my daughter was a beacon of light. Her laughter and joy became contagious, and bit by bit, I started to piece myself back together.

Avoid the “What If” Trap

Don’t let yourself be trapped in a loop of endless hypotheticals. Wishing for different outcomes only leads to frustration. We can’t rewrite the past, but we can learn from it. Forgiveness—of others and ourselves—is essential for moving forward. Resentment is a weight that you don’t want to carry.

Cherish Every Moment

Life is unpredictable; tomorrow is never guaranteed. Don’t let worries about the future steal your joy in the present. Embrace this ride we call life! Hug your loved ones, express your feelings, and live with gratitude. You have today—make it count.

Rebuilding after life’s upheavals is no small feat; it takes time, strength, and courage. Remember how fortunate you were to have that person in your life. Love doesn’t fade; it evolves into something even deeper than what the physical world can offer.

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In summary, losing a loved one teaches us invaluable lessons about grief, love, and the importance of cherishing every moment. While the pain may linger, the memories and love remain, guiding us forward on this journey of life.