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Sleep: The Currency of Marriage
It was a lazy Saturday afternoon, around 2 p.m., when I was caught snoozing instead of tackling the mountain of laundry. My partner, Sarah, walked in, eyebrows raised. “What’s going on?” she asked, incredulously. “Why are you napping?”
“I’m not napping,” I replied, my words muffled by the pillow. “I just… fell over, and then the bed was so comfy.”
She wasn’t amused. “I want a nap!”
“Then take one!” I suggested, trying to sound cheerful.
“We don’t have time to nap,” she shot back. The emphasis on “we” stung. “The kids have a soccer game in 20 minutes, then we need to pick up some dirt for the backyard before the nursery closes.”
As she stormed out, regret washed over me. With three kids under 9, getting everyone to sleep for more than five hours feels like a miracle. It’s a rare occasion when all is quiet. One child gets thirsty at 10 p.m., another has a nightmare by midnight, and our youngest, Lily, is notorious for her late-night fussing. As a result, I consume more caffeine than I’d like to admit.
Our lives are a whirlwind of activity. I work full-time, while Sarah juggles being a full-time mom and a part-time student. House repairs, kids’ sports, and weekend commitments fill our days. It’s thrilling yet exhausting, leaving little room for naps.
Sleep has morphed into a coveted commodity in our marriage, often leading to jealousy. It’s like a currency we trade for favors, whether it’s chores or intimate moments. If you ask Sarah what she wants for her birthday, she’ll say sleep, and I’d probably answer the same.
Sure, we could ignore our responsibilities and just sleep, but parenting is relentless. Kids are always asking for something, and our oldest is responsible enough to be left alone, but I can’t trust him with his younger siblings, especially not with the one-year-old. Naps can only happen when one of us takes charge of the kids, making it feel unfair for the one left awake.
The weekend prior to my “nap incident,” I was in the yard, pulling weeds when Sarah approached me. After sharing her sleepless night with Lily, she proposed, “If you let me take a nap, we can have some fun later.” We bartered for a bit until we agreed that she’d nap while I took the kids to the soccer game. It wasn’t exactly ideal—taking three kids to a game is a challenge—but the prospect of a nap made it worth it.
Eventually, we shook on it, and Sarah quipped, “It’s been nice doing business with you.”
Negotiating for sleep has become our norm. It’s a reflection of the reality we face as parents, often leading to moments of realization about the shared workload. Parenting is a partnership, and if one of us is working hard, the other is too.
In the end, after a long week of juggling responsibilities, it’s all about finding a balance. We need to support each other—and sometimes that means trading a few hours of sleep.
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Summary:
This light-hearted piece reflects on the challenges of balancing sleep and parenting in a marriage. With humor and honesty, it explores how sleep becomes a valuable currency in the relationship, leading to negotiations between partners. Ultimately, it emphasizes the importance of teamwork and understanding in navigating the hectic world of parenthood.