I Dare You to Ask Me What Moms Do All Day

home insemination Kit

As my dear husband strolled through the door, he took a quick glance around at me, our little ones, and the house. To his surprise, we looked a bit more, let’s say, disheveled than usual.

With wide eyes and a slightly disappointed tone, he asked, “Honey, what on earth happened here? What did you even do today?”

Oh, bless him! I appreciate his concern about our chaotic little world. So, I decided to fill him in.

You know what? You’re spot on, love. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it too. I think my brain and body are in shock from the last nine hours since you left for work. Who am I kidding? Maybe it’s from the past eight years of this wild ride we’re on!

Where do I even begin? Should I start from the beginning or dive right into the craziest part? Chronological order seems logical, but maybe I should recount the end of this disaster of a day I barely survived, all while praying I wouldn’t accidentally hurt the kids before you walked in.

While I was busy unclogging the toilet (thanks to our daughter and her impressive toilet paper skills), I heard a strange noise from the playroom. Don’t worry—it was just one of the kids’ balloons getting caught in the fan for the umpteenth time in the last two days. Once I manage to grab a stool, I’ll try to untangle it—hopefully without getting my hand smacked when they inevitably turn the fan back on.

As I was preparing mac and cheese and peanut butter sandwiches, our son decided today was the day to unleash a new bag of Goldfish all over the den. I mean, when I tried to sweep that up, the mac and cheese boiled over, and, oh joy, the baby had taken a liking to my phone charger plugged in across the kitchen. Thank goodness she didn’t get burned, but chewing on that charger? Not the safest activity either.

Just as I was about to serve lunch, the kids decided to toss all my freshly folded sheets and towels all over the dog hair-covered floor. Oh, and remember the lice picking I did this morning? Yeah, I now have seven or eight loads of laundry to tackle, thanks to their mess.

Speaking of lice, I removed a solid 50 or 60 nits from the girls’ hair earlier. Maybe once the baby finally sleeps, I can utilize what is normally my “pee break” to continue that not-so-fun task. But let’s be honest—I probably won’t really need to pee anyway. I’ll sneak in a bathroom break at dinner time when the kids are inhaling food like they haven’t seen a meal in ages.

On the topic of food, I’ve swept the kitchen floor three times today. Although it looks like a disaster zone still, I’m sure you’ll be thrilled to walk across it with bits of crushed Nutri-Grain bars and Cheerios stuck to your feet.

In my attempt to get dressed while the baby tossed Cheerios everywhere, I finally managed to look decent for a brief moment. But after picking her up from her high chair, she decided to leak diarrhea all over me.

Seriously. Who needs showers or to look nice? Maybe in four years I’ll resemble a normal person again.

I got our son off to kindergarten camp just in time—30 seconds to spare. The girls and I then dashed to the store for those much-needed items on our list. Halfway through, I realized one daughter was only in her underwear, and another was barefoot. Who needs clothes, right?

As the day continued in our little slice of paradise, my double vision morphed into triple as my headache intensified. No one napped, the dog escaped, and while I tried to free the balloon from the fan, the baby crawled out of her walker and started climbing the stairs—then fell down.

Don’t worry, though! I’ve got everything under control. I soothed her little bump, but then two of the kids thought it would be a brilliant idea to sneak outside with shampoo and turn bath time into a wild squirt fest.

Adorable little adventurers, aren’t they?

Despite my lack of culinary skills, I bravely attempted to cook dinner and popped some chicken in the oven. Of course, something at the bottom started to burn, filling the house with smoke and setting off the alarms—cue the kids screaming and a neighbor rushing over to check if we were being held hostage while our house burned down.

When the neighbor arrived, I was in just my bra and underwear, having changed after the baby’s earlier explosion. I figured, if the kids are going without clothes, why should I bother? Let’s just say, our neighbor and I will never see each other the same way again!

So, what did I do today? (Insert hearty laughter here.) Oh honey, I dare you—ask me again, just once more.

For more on parenting and home insemination, check out some of our other blogs, like this one. If you’re curious about the process, Cryobaby’s home insemination kit is a great resource. And don’t forget to explore Hopkins Medicine’s fertility center for invaluable insights on pregnancy and home insemination.

Summary:

The humorous account of a chaotic day in the life of a mom reveals the unexpected challenges and messy moments of parenting. From toilet disasters to grocery store mishaps, this light-hearted narrative captures the essence of motherhood and the laughter that comes with it.