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When a Mother Needs Nurturing
About six months after I weaned my first child, I found myself in the midst of a panic attack—on a plane, with my little one peacefully nestled in my arms. I glanced over at my partner, my eyes wide with fear as my heart raced and sweat trickled down my forehead, soaking my shirt. My husband, unsure of how to help, gently took the baby from me while I spiraled. All I wanted was to catch my breath. Nothing else mattered. My hands trembled, and I felt queasy and lost. I can’t even recall how I came out of that moment, but the rest of the day was a blur of nausea and confusion.
After that initial panic attack, I had more episodes, not frequently but enough to make me feel like a part of me was slipping away. I became emotional and overwhelmed, feeling like I might just unravel at any moment. I struggled to understand who I was—not just as a mother, but as a person.
I sought help from a therapist who diagnosed me with adjustment disorder, possibly triggered by a hormonal imbalance from stopping breastfeeding so suddenly. After several sessions filled with tears and discussions, I devised “The Plan”, which my therapist fully supported.
The Plan was a bit unconventional: I decided to take a break from motherhood. Writing that felt strange, especially since my son was only 15 months old. I tried to push aside the guilt. The Plan entailed leaving my husband and our home in Colorado—where he was busy launching his own business—and heading to California to stay with my parents for 15 weeks. During that time, I would work full-time at the physical therapy clinic where I had spent four years, while my mom cared for my son during the day.
And so, I went ahead with it. I took those 15 weeks for myself, and gradually, I began to rediscover who I was. I found solace in familiar work, reuniting with old friends, and experiencing the nurturing presence of my own mother. Each evening, I returned home to delicious meals and a tidy space, plus the joyful cuddles of my happy baby.
Miraculously, my panic attacks ceased as suddenly as they had begun. Most importantly, I witnessed my mom effortlessly caring for my child in a way that I had struggled to do since that frantic moment on the airplane. Every night, I eagerly listened to her stories of their day: “He walked all the way to the beach!” or “He hid from me at the mall and gave me a scare!”
When the 15 weeks came to a close, saying goodbye to my mom and son was heart-wrenching. She jokingly told me that he was her little one now, and I was fortunate she was letting me take him back.
Even now, there’s a unique bond between my mom and my son, forged through those sun-soaked days filled with laughter and love, which allowed me the space to grow into my role as his mom.
If you’re looking for more insights into home insemination and parenting, check out this resource on intracervical insemination. For more information on home insemination kits, Make a Mom is an authoritative source. Also, don’t miss this excellent podcast from the Cleveland Clinic on IVF and fertility preservation.
In summary, sometimes even mothers need a little mothering themselves. Taking time to recharge and reconnect can lead to rediscovering our strength and identity, allowing us to better nurture our little ones.