The 5 Stages of Parenting a Sleepless Toddler

A few weeks ago, my sister-in-law took my little one for a night so my partner and I could enjoy our anniversary. The following day, we headed to my parents’ house to say goodbye to my younger siblings—one was off to law school in Oregon, and the other was gearing up for a year in Australia. To cap off our busy weekend, we had a family gathering at my sister-in-law’s place. Safe to say, our little one was completely wiped out by Sunday evening. A night with family and no naps can really take its toll on a 2-year-old!

You might assume that a super tired toddler would fall asleep easily, but any seasoned parent knows that exhaustion can lead to even more chaos. Instead of peacefully drifting off, my little one was bouncing off the walls with toddler energy. By the time he finally succumbed to sleep, we were utterly drained, clinging to the hope of a later wake-up the next morning. Spoiler alert: we were sorely mistaken.

Stage 1: Denial

You’re deep in slumber, completely unaware of the impending toddler turmoil. Then, a soft whimper breaks the silence, jolting you awake. As the cries escalate, confusion sets in. Is that really him? What time is it? Surely, he can’t be awake. You shut your eyes tightly, hoping the sounds will just fade away. It’s probably just a bad dream. He’ll settle down. I’ll just lie here and wait…

But he doesn’t quiet down. Instead, he gets louder, calling for you. Your partner stirs, “Is that him?” Don’t respond! If you play your cards right, he’ll be the one to get up, letting you sneak in a few more minutes of sleep. You snuggle deeper into your pillow, secretly amused that you married the right person.

Stage 2: Anger

You try to bury yourself in the warm covers and drift back to sleep, but the entire exchange between your partner and toddler is painfully audible. “What’s wrong?” “Mommy!” “Do you want me to sing to you?” “No, Mommy!” “How about some water?” “No! Mommy!” You can feel the frustration bubbling up. All day long, your toddler wants his dad, but the moment you crave a little shut-eye, he suddenly wants you. Ugh!

Your partner walks in, “He wants you.” You can’t help but let your irritation show, throwing the covers off with a dramatic sigh, “Ughhh!”

Stage 3: Bargaining

You begrudgingly get out of bed, taking a moment to gather your thoughts before heading into your toddler’s room. There he is, standing in his crib. At least he’s contained! He points to the chair next to his crib and demands, “Song!” And thus, the bargaining begins. “Alright, one song, then you must go back to sleep.” You croak out the A, B, C’s (the shortest one) and wonder why your raspy, middle-of-the-night voice is so appealing to him.

Just as you try to leave, “Water!” You find yourself trapped in an endless loop of drinks, kisses, and songs.

Stage 4: Depression

I’ll never sleep again. I’m stuck here for hours, begging a tiny creature to just close his eyes. You slump into the chair next to his crib, resting your head on the railing, tears welling in your eyes. You glance at your toddler, who seems to be on a sugar high, laughing and bouncing around, completely carefree. He can sleep whenever he wants! You mourn the hours of sleep you’ll never reclaim, counting the tears silently.

Stage 5: Acceptance

You wipe away your tears and lift your toddler from the crib. He snuggles into your shoulder as you shuffle back to your room. You place him in your bed and lay down beside him. “You can stay here for the night, but you have to sleep nicely.” You chuckle at yourself. What does ‘sleep nicely’ even mean? You cozy up next to your little one, thinking that for just one night, this isn’t so bad.

That thought is short-lived, as you’re jolted awake around 4:30 a.m. by a tiny foot to your face, reminding you of what you meant by “sleep nicely.”

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Summary

Parenting a sleepless toddler can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, moving through stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. As parents, we navigate these challenging moments with humor and resilience, hoping for a good night’s sleep while cherishing these fleeting years.