My Superhero Alter Ego, and Why You Need One Too

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Like many new parents, I was completely unprepared for the whirlwind of challenges that came with having kids. It felt like I was an amateur circus performer, juggling two little ones with my equally bewildered partner, Max. We tossed our kids back and forth while trying to manage our day jobs, praying that nothing came crashing down around us.

Looking back now, I can say, “Well done, 34-year-old me!” Those early years were chaotic, especially when the kids seemed determined to dart into traffic. But through all the mayhem, I honed my skills, saving the day time and time again.

Fast forward, and we now have two relatively well-adjusted teenage daughters. Sure, they occasionally forget their house keys and need a last-minute rescue, but they also sleep in on weekends, can pack their own bags, whip up a sandwich, and generally do their own thing with just a sprinkle of supervision.

In this fleeting moment of our lives, I find myself with kids who need me less and less. While Max and I could continue swooping in to save them from minor mishaps, we all know that over-parenting can lead to trouble. My children’s growing independence has left me with a superhero-sized void, and no one to save. So rather than falling into the trap of over-involvement, I decided to create a new superhero identity for myself.

Surprisingly, it doesn’t revolve around my kids.

Here’s the scoop: Once our daughters grew up a bit, Max and I joined forces with some fellow parents in the neighborhood to start a rock band.

Yes, you read that right! At the age of 40, we dove into the world of music. And not kids’ tunes—our own!

Initially, we were a bit rough around the edges, more super lame than superhero. I took on the role of lead singer, often finding my voice straying sharp, while Max stuck to the simplest bass lines. Our outfits were entirely wrong for performances, making us look like middle-aged wannabe rock stars.

But once we let go of the need to be perfect, this new kid-free venture allowed us to embrace who we truly are, only better. A few years in, we got a gig at a birthday party in a middle school gym. We set up our gear, did a decent soundcheck, and put on a real show. In the middle of our rendition of “Seven Nation Army,” with the gym buzzing like a concert hall, I realized we had actually become a rock band.

We changed our band’s name a few times, eventually recording an album called Forget About Gravity. We even made it onto Spotify! I treated myself to some black skinny jeans, a sparkling tank top, and a vegan leather jacket for our performances. The more I embraced this alternate identity, the more I discovered parts of myself that aren’t just a teacher or a mom but just me.

But don’t worry, I didn’t abandon everything else. My band is my superhero persona, not a career change. I still manage to be a dedicated middle school teacher, a writer, and a mom. You could say I’m like Clark Kent, always on top of my responsibilities.

As I carved out time for rehearsals, my superhero identity blossomed. At the music studio, which often looks like a tornado hit it and smells like old tacos, I refuse to clean up after anyone. During rehearsals or while performing in clubs, I’m not anyone’s mommy.

And Max? We’ve transitioned from mere roommates dividing parenting duties to partners in music. We’re like Carly Simon and James Taylor—together in the band, and it feels a bit like we’re dating again!

In our initial years as amateur musicians, our kids showed little interest in our music. They’d politely listen for a few moments before drifting off to do whatever well-adjusted kids do. “It’s kinda loud, Mom,” they’d say, but they’d always notice how much fun I was having.

And boy, was I having a blast! We love family time, but it doesn’t have to be 24/7. Sometimes, our daughters pursue their own interests, and that’s when we pick up our guitars, drumsticks, and mics.

I truly believe that more adults should explore their own secret superhero identities. If you’re into rock music, start a band! You might be terrible at first—everyone has a learning curve—but stick with it and you’ll improve.

If music isn’t your thing, what’s your hidden passion? Maybe you love exploring your city, knitting, writing poetry, or baking. You might dream of becoming a triathlete or a master hiker. Superhero parents can inspire everyone around them, so if your passion includes your kids, let that cape fly!

Challenge yourself with friendly competitions or find a supportive community of like-minded people. Whatever you’re passionate about, the Internet is teeming with others who share your interests. If you loved playing soccer in high school, I bet there are other adult women nearby who feel the same way. Go find them!

Only you know what brings you joy, and only you can give yourself permission to carve out the time to pursue it. Create a superhero outfit for yourself, even if it’s just for your own enjoyment. Life is about more than just your daily responsibilities; there’s always something more you’ve wanted to explore on the side. So go ahead and embrace the superhero you’ve always wanted to be.

But please, let’s not label this journey of self-discovery as a “hobby.” Let’s call it what it really is: “being alive.”

In summary

It’s crucial for us as parents to carve out our own identities outside of our roles. Embracing your passions can lead to personal growth, joy, and a fuller life. Whether it’s starting a band or pursuing a different interest, don’t hesitate to explore what makes you come alive.