To My Dear Son Leo on Your First Day of Kindergarten

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Dear Precious Leo,

As the warmth of summer begins to fade, I find myself scrolling through my social media feed, watching friends share snapshots of their little ones embarking on their first day of school. Each post from fellow parents, whether filled with excitement or bittersweet tears, is a stark reminder of the milestones I will never share with you.

Though I held you for just a fleeting 39 hours, you’ve been in my heart for nearly six years. I’ve missed so many precious moments—your first smile, the joy of witnessing you sit up, crawl, or take those first wobbly steps. I yearn to hear you say “I love you” or to feel your little arms wrap around me in a hug. The word “mommy” will forever remain unspoken by you. And now, I confront the reality that you, my sweet baby boy, should be starting this exciting chapter alongside others your age.

Every day since you left has been filled with the ache of your absence, balanced by the joy your siblings bring. I navigate the delicate dance of honoring your memory while embracing the happiness they offer me. The pain is always present—sometimes a gentle reminder, and other times, like now, it weighs heavily on my heart, making it hard to breathe.

This first day of kindergarten feels particularly profound. It’s not just another “first” I’m missing; it’s a glaring reminder that life continues on without you. Other children born in the same year are off to school, making friends, learning, and growing—friends you will never meet, and who will never know you. Parents will gather at bus stops, snapping photos of their little ones, and while you won’t be in those pictures, nobody will notice your absence.

Teachers will call roll, and your name will not be among the list. Leo. Your beautiful name won’t be written down, and no one at school will know that a special little boy named Leo should have been there, ready to embark on this adventure. It hurts deeply to know you are missed by me, even as the world carries on. You were here, and you should be learning and laughing alongside your classmates.

I remember receiving parenting brochures long after you left us, and they broke my heart. I cried so many tears, wondering why they would send such reminders of what I lost. But now, I realize they acknowledged your existence, even if just in a small way. Six years later, there’s no longer any external validation of your life, and it’s up to me, your mommy, to share your story. You were a brave little fighter, and you would’ve been conquering the world this fall if given the chance.

I love you dearly, sweet Leo. As your classmates head off to kindergarten, I hope you and the other little ones in Heaven are starting an incredible journey of your own, always knowing that you are loved and remembered.

With all my heart,
Mommy

This article reflects on the bittersweet reality of parenting and the deep love that transcends loss.

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Summary: This heartfelt letter reflects the poignant feelings of a mother as she navigates the first day of kindergarten without her son, Leo, who passed away shortly after birth. It captures the profound sense of loss while cherishing the memories and love that continue to exist.