Some Days as a Single Mom Are Tougher Than Others

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There are days when I just don’t know if I can handle being a mom. Three years ago, my husband left, not just me but our kids too. Even before that, motherhood was a challenge for me; I was grappling with what it truly meant to be a parent.

Having grown up in a turbulent environment with a mother who perhaps shouldn’t have had children, I find myself at 32, often feeling lost in my role as a mother. I never had a nurturing figure to guide me, and it seems like the scars from my upbringing are still very much present. The only lessons my mother imparted were painful ones, and now I’m left to navigate the parenting journey without any real guidance.

The fear of perpetuating the cycle of abuse looms large. Statistics suggest I might follow in my mother’s footsteps, but I refuse to let that happen. I draw strength from the knowledge that the cycle ends with me. Even if I stumble in other areas of parenting, I am committed to ensuring my children never face the same fate I did.

But when it comes to the day-to-day realities of parenting, I often feel overwhelmed. Each stage of my children’s growth feels like a new beginning for me, full of challenges I have no experience with. I wonder, am I failing? Can I really do this?

Deep down, I want the same things for my children that every parent desires: I want them to grow up feeling confident and capable, to be kind and successful, and to understand how deeply they are loved. However, I struggle with these concepts myself. I’ve made plenty of mistakes and fought my way back from a dark place, but can I really teach my kids how to thrive?

Today, I find myself questioning everything. I love my children fiercely and strive to provide for them, but days like today make me feel like I’m falling short. The complexities of being a single mom, coupled with the challenges of raising children with special needs, can be exhausting. I’m working multiple jobs, often clocking in 70-hour weeks, yet the laundry piles up, and I can’t always send my kids to school ready for the day.

I feel torn between work commitments and my children’s needs. There are nights when I can’t tuck them in because I’m working late, and the guilt weighs heavily on my heart. Watching my kids cope with the absence of a father and a mother who can’t always be there for them is heartbreaking.

I’m searching for answers to questions they have, but I often come up empty. It’s a tough job doing this alone, without the support of a partner or the guidance of a mother.

Can I truly be the parent they deserve? I don’t have all the answers, and I may never feel completely confident in my abilities, but I love them. My love for them is deeper than anything I experienced in my own childhood, and that has to count for something.

I want to be better, not just for myself but for them. I know I’m not perfect, and that’s okay. What matters is that I keep trying, and that’s my focus today.

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In summary, being a single mom comes with its unique challenges, and there are days when it feels overwhelming. Yet, at the heart of it all is an unwavering love for my children that drives me to keep pushing forward.