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The Awkward Inquiry: Why Not Just Adopt?
As in vitro fertilization (IVF) gains attention—thanks in part to reality TV stars—many people seem to think they have all the answers when it comes to infertility. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the baffling question: “Why not just adopt?” This question often comes from those who have never experienced the emotional rollercoaster of infertility themselves.
For couples navigating the challenging path of infertility, unsolicited advice can feel like a tidal wave of frustration. My partner and I faced our own struggles, and I lost count of the times people casually suggested adoption as if it were a magical solution to all our problems.
Let’s get one thing straight: adoption is a beautiful option for many, but it’s not the simple fix that people often assume. Here’s why you should think twice before asking that question:
- It’s Not Your Place: Are you footing the bill or going through the process? Nope? Then your opinion on my fertility journey is completely irrelevant.
- There Are Many Paths to Parenthood: Adoption isn’t the only route. Treatments like intrauterine insemination (IUI), IVF, and surrogacy offer various ways to become a parent. Infertility doesn’t signal the end of options.
- Adoption is Challenging, Too: Just because adoption is an alternative doesn’t mean it’s easy. The costs can range from $20,000 to $40,000 for domestic adoption, and the waiting period can stretch to 14 months or more. It’s not a walk in the park!
- Trying Isn’t a Crime: There’s nothing wrong with exploring fertility treatments before considering adoption. It’s your journey, and you have the right to pursue what makes sense for you.
- Adoption Doesn’t Erase Grief: While you can love an adopted child just as much as a biological one, the emotional scars from infertility don’t just vanish.
- Adoption Isn’t Exclusive to Infertile Couples: Nobody suggests adoption to couples who can conceive easily. Wanting to experience pregnancy and childbirth is a natural desire, not one that should be judged.
- Not Everyone Wants to Adopt: While many view adoption as a wonderful option, some couples simply don’t wish to pursue it. Respect their choice!
- Don’t Blame God: Comments like “Maybe you’re not meant to have children” are hurtful and ignorant. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment.
- Live and Learn: Until you’ve walked in someone else’s shoes, reserve your judgment. Every situation is unique, and you can’t fully understand until you’ve experienced it yourself.
- Decisions Are Personal: Trust that the individuals involved will make the best choice for themselves. They know their bodies, emotions, and circumstances better than anyone else.
After much soul-searching, my partner and I opted to try fertility treatments first, and it eventually led to a successful pregnancy. Our choice faced scrutiny from some who didn’t understand our journey. But we knew that science is a tool, not a way to play God. Although I still hope to become a foster mom down the line, we have never regretted our decision.
Each person’s journey is different. Some friends of ours have also pursued fertility treatments, while others chose different paths, from adoption to remaining childless. What truly matters is that each individual follows their heart.
If you’re in the midst of making such an important decision, go with what feels right for you. And for those on the outside looking in, a little kindness can go a long way. Often, just a simple “I’m sorry you’re going through this” is far more comforting than unsolicited advice.
For more insights on this topic, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination, or learn more about how you can explore your options with an at-home insemination kit.
Summary
Navigating infertility can be an emotional journey, and while adoption is a wonderful option for many, it’s not the only path to parenthood. Couples facing infertility often hear the well-meaning, yet misguided question, “Why not just adopt?” This article explores the complexities of infertility, the various options available, and the need for understanding and kindness during such a challenging time.