Parenting
By Life as a Chatty Redhead
Sep. 11, 2015
One of the biggest myths about stay-at-home moms is that we have a packed social calendar filled with friends and playdates. Sure, I can handle the accusations that I have it “easy,” or that I’ve let myself go. I frequently find myself explaining, “No, I don’t have a job,” as if managing two tiny tornadoes is equivalent to lounging on the couch, binge-watching shows while shopping online.
Let me set the record straight: my schedule isn’t overflowing with playdates, and I don’t have a crew of stay-at-home mom buddies. In fact, I have just two friends in this realm. One is my sister-in-law, and the other is a friend who lives a good hour and a half away. So yeah, we don’t hang out much aside from sending each other daily texts with pictures of our kids. The only mom group I’m part of is an online community I’ve been with for three years—great support, but it’s not quite the same as grabbing coffee together at a local café. Meeting them would require a plane ride, and let’s be real, I’m not feeling up to wrangling two little ones on a flight any time soon. Call me crazy; I’ve been there, and it’s a survival scenario!
To be fair, I haven’t made much effort to seek out more SAHM friends. Approaching a stranger to suggest coffee feels a bit too much like online dating. “Pick me! I’m fun and will try not to curse around your kids!” It’s like a friend audition, and what if we don’t hit it off? How do you break up with a mom friend? “It’s not you; it’s me. I’m too busy with my kids and, well, I just don’t feel ready for this commitment right now.”
Honestly, I’m not keen on adding that kind of stress to my life. I’ll stick to my guilty pleasure drama. Give me a season finale of a reality show where I can sip wine and snack on cookies. Breaking up with a mom friend while munching on cookies? No, thanks. That sounds way too tacky.
However, I’ve come to realize I’ve been part of a mommy group for quite some time, without even realizing it. It’s a secret society I didn’t know I was joining—Target. From 8 a.m. to 10:30 a.m., Monday through Friday, I’m part of a large community of SAHMs. We convene around groceries, cute storage bins, and all the random dollar items we don’t need.
There’s definitely a dress code for this club, and luckily, I’ve been unknowingly compliant. It’s all about looking like you just rolled out of bed—workout clothes that haven’t seen the gym are the norm. The Messy Bun or a Top Knot is essential. Thankfully, I’ve mastered the Messy Bun style, and my Top Knot looks like I was a ballerina who had a near-miss with a rabid cat.
I swear, I’ve seen Target security enforcing this dress code! Just the other day, I witnessed a woman in a perfectly pressed outfit being told to return at 11 a.m. because she looked too put-together. Sorry, lady, but this isn’t for you!
Makeup? Forget it. Most of us roam the aisles with baseball caps pulled low. Mascara is a luxury, and some mamas go completely makeup-free. You have to have kids to be part of this group, and chaos reigns supreme in those 2.5 hours. Toddlers can throw tantrums, lick shoes, and turn the shopping cart into a battleground.
Negotiation skills are a must, and most of us arrive armed with goodies to keep our little ones entertained. Hats, toys, and even snacks make appearances as we try to coax our kids into behaving. “Please, just sit still for five more minutes!”
I’m grateful for this community. We share smiles of understanding when our kids are acting out. There’s a certain camaraderie here, and it’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in this whirlwind of motherhood. Wal-Mart? No thanks. Whole Foods? Only when I’m feeling fancy. Target has everything we need, and I love my new secret SAHM society.
So, here’s to the group of fabulous, messy-looking moms I’ve found. I finally feel like I belong!
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Summary:
Being a stay-at-home mom often comes with misconceptions, especially when it comes to socializing with other moms. While the idea of having a bustling social life filled with playdates is appealing, many of us find ourselves isolated, with only a few friends. However, I discovered my own community at Target, where I bond with other moms over the chaos of shopping with toddlers. We may not look our best, but we share a unique understanding of the challenges of motherhood. Ultimately, it’s comforting to know that I belong to this secret society of messy, relatable moms.