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How I Finally Released the Pressure of Family Dinner
If you listen to the experts, family dinners are a must. Kids who eat together with their parents every night are supposedly smarter, kinder, and more likely to ace their future careers, all while looking fabulous and staying drug-free. Sounds great, right? There’s just one small hitch for me.
I absolutely dread family dinner. My kids are on an Early Bird Special schedule, which means we sit down for dinner before their dad is home from work four nights a week. And honestly, it often feels like pure chaos. With picky eaters in the house, meal planning turns into a stressful nightmare, and cooking? Not my favorite pastime, that’s for sure.
As soon as we gather at the table, I morph into this grumpy, nagging version of myself, reminding them to sit properly and stop playing with their food. Sometimes they actually eat, but more often than not, I find hummus smeared in their hair and yogurt squished into the cushions. And don’t even get me started on the impromptu concerts that erupt mid-meal. Their latest favorite is some nonsensical ditty about “Moose, Alpaca, Moose, Moose, Alpaca, Evil Mr. Coconut turned into a palm tree!” I mean, really? While I usually encourage their creativity, the dinner table isn’t the best stage for it. Eventually, I snap and remind them that singing isn’t allowed at the table, before I retreat to the kitchen to wash dishes in a huff.
When I shared my struggles with my therapist, I was ready for her to reassure me about the importance of family dinners and offer a few tips to make it better. Instead, she delivered a refreshing perspective: “Let go of family dinner. Focus on finding a way to connect with your kids each day.”
She explained that it’s not the structure of family dinner that matters—it’s the ritual of coming together regularly and truly engaging with each other, without distractions or the pressure of a perfect meal. If a nightly dinner works for your family, that’s great! But if forcing your kids to endure a sit-down meal while they sing silly songs just isn’t for you, that’s perfectly okay.
And just like that, I found my freedom. I started reading to my kids, coloring with them, and enjoying their chatter during car rides to school. We even have breakfast together sometimes (thank goodness for coffee!). So I’ve officially given up on the traditional family dinner. Let me clarify: I still feed my kids every night (yep, every single night), and I might join them at the table occasionally. But on other nights, we take our meals outside with our plastic plates, where they can munch on chicken nuggets while running around and chatting with neighbors. Some evenings, I tidy up while they eat, which helps me stay calm. Other nights, we dive into storytime as they munch away; we even made it through the entire American Girl Catalog one week—much more enjoyable than sibling squabbles!
Now that we’ve ditched the pressure of family dinners, I can’t predict whether my kids will end up at Ivy League schools, but I’m feeling a lot more confident that we’ll all make it to their 18th birthdays in one piece.
For more insights on connecting with your family, check out our other blog posts about parenting and well-being, including how to navigate through insemination options here. If you’re looking for authoritative advice on home insemination kits, Make A Mom has some great resources. For further information on pregnancy and insemination, you can visit Johns Hopkins.
Summary:
After realizing that the pressure of family dinners was not working for me, I decided to let it go. Instead of forcing my kids to sit still and eat at the table, we found other ways to connect, whether that be breakfast together, reading during meals, or enjoying dinner outside. This approach has made our family time more enjoyable and less stressful.