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I Don’t Want to Be My Daughter’s Best Friend
The moment has arrived. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will never be one of those “cool moms,” and honestly, I’m totally fine with that.
Take a trip down memory lane for a second. Remember those cringe-worthy moments when your mom did something so “mom-like” that it sent you into a spiral of embarrassment? You probably swore to yourself, “When I become a mom, I’ll never do that to my kids!” But then you have children, and suddenly you find yourself stepping right into those “mom” shoes.
Let’s be clear: I have no desire to be my daughter’s “#bestie.” It’s simply not a goal I aspire to achieve, and I’m rather passionate about it. My own mother wasn’t my best friend growing up. I didn’t rush home to share the juicy details of my first kiss at 15, and I can only assume she was relieved. What parent wants to hear about their kid’s romantic escapades with an older boy? Trust me, if my daughter ever tells me that kind of news, my reaction will definitely not be calm. “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!? NO WAY THAT’S HAPPENING!” I’ve got a bit of time to fine-tune my response, thankfully.
I was one of the last of my friends to kiss a boy, and now, as a mom, I can’t help but think that 15 is far too young. I’ve heard from friends who teach that kids as young as 12 are getting into things that make me shudder. The thought of that is more than a little nauseating.
Honestly, the idea of boys approaching my daughter makes me want to equip myself with a flamethrower. “Berkley, want to come over and ride bikes?” “BACK OFF, JIMMY! Or you’ll be toast!” I know my husband would support that purchase with enthusiasm.
At 12, I was blissfully unaware of what many kids are exposed to today. It’s heartbreaking to see the level of influence out there. That’s why I can’t claim to be a cool mom like Amy Poehler’s character in “Mean Girls.”
I won’t turn a blind eye when I find something inappropriate in my daughter’s belongings. You can bet your sweet bottom I’ll be checking her texts. No way will I allow her to have her boyfriend in her room with the door closed while pretending it’s all innocent. And I’ll never be the type of parent who thinks it’s okay to host underage drinking parties just because “at least they’re safe at home.” As for sleepovers at her boyfriend’s house? Not happening, even if he’s the perfect straight-A student who volunteers at church. And don’t even get me started on outfits that look like they belong in a nightclub. No child of mine will be parading around like that!
Some might label me a “Hover Mom,” but let’s clear this up. A “Hover Mom” is often seen as overly cautious, but I don’t think that means I’m constantly worried my kids are in danger. When I get the chance for a date night, I’m out of there! I’m proud to be involved in my children’s lives and set boundaries.
Of course, I understand the importance of giving my kids some space to learn and grow. They need to make their own choices and sometimes face the consequences of those choices. But my aim isn’t to be the “bad guy.” I genuinely want my daughter to love and respect me, just as I do for her, and to guide her through these tricky adolescent years.
Eventually, I hope to transition into a friendship with her, much like my relationship with my mom today. We’re close now, but when I was younger, she was my mom first and foremost. This bond provides a sense of security that every woman should have.
But for now, while my daughter is still young and shielded from the world’s harsh realities, I’m not her best friend. I’m her mother.
If you’re looking for more parenting insights, check out this blog post on home insemination.