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Rethinking the Helicopter Parenting Myth
If you pay attention to the media, you might think helicopter parenting is the biggest issue facing families today. Picture overzealous parents who hover over their kids, micromanaging their homework, arguing with teachers over grades, and even keeping tabs on their college lives. The narrative suggests these parents raise children who are lazy, helpless, and unable to cope with the real world due to years of being coddled.
But wait, not so fast! Parenting and education expert Jamie Carter challenges this notion in her insightful piece, “Debunking the Helicopter Parent Myth.” According to Carter, we’ve been caught up in two persistent stories: that “intensive” parenting is on the rise and that it’s detrimental. However, when we actually look at the evidence, the reality may be quite different.
Carter references a study utilizing the National Survey of Student Engagement, which surveyed over 9,000 students across 24 colleges and universities. The findings revealed that just 13% of first-year students and only 8% of seniors had parents who frequently intervened to help them solve problems. This hardly points to the widespread problem of helicopter parenting portrayed in the media. One college official even mentioned that reports of overly involved parents are greatly exaggerated. In a 2009 survey of more than 10,000 University of California students, a significant majority stated that their parents were not involved in choosing their majors or classes.
So, it seems helicopter parenting might not be the epidemic we thought it was. While parents do communicate more with their children than previous generations did—thanks to smartphones—communication does not equate to interference.
Moreover, a substantial amount of research indicates that children with supportive parents tend to have better health, behavior, and academic performance. The NSSE survey found that children of involved parents displayed higher levels of academic engagement and utilized deep learning strategies more frequently. The lead researcher noted that these students were more satisfied with their college experiences and excelled in critical thinking and writing. They were also more inclined to engage in meaningful discussions with faculty and peers.
The confusion may lie in our definition of helicopter parenting. Carter points out that being “controlling” is not synonymous with being “involved.” Involvement means providing the kind of support that good parents have always given, like helping with tricky homework or offering constructive advice on essays. Conversely, controlling behavior might involve parents dictating major choices or battling professors over every mediocre grade. Those are not helicopter parents; they’re simply overstepping boundaries.
It’s easy to reminisce about the differences between today’s kids and our own childhoods. However, I believe the extreme version of helicopter parents—those who infantilize their children—may not actually exist to the extent we think. Supporting our kids, whether it’s practicing basketball in the driveway or assisting with math problems, has always been a crucial part of parenting. It’s important for kids to know we’re here for them, even as they enter college and adulthood. If that’s what helicoptering means, count me in!
For further insights into parenting and family support, check out this related post on our blog.
In summary, the narrative of helicopter parenting as a widespread issue may not hold up against the evidence. While communication between parents and children has increased, true interference seems less common than we’ve been led to believe. Supporting our children in their growth is not only normal but beneficial.