Parenting
By Jamie Collins
Updated: July 27, 2020
Originally Published: September 17, 2015
As a kid, music was a major source of stress for me. I adored singing and longed to be good at it, but my pitch was just awful. Still, I trudged through voice and piano lessons, croaking out melodies my teachers demonstrated, hoping to improve my ear. Each lesson left me drenched in anxiety. Why couldn’t I manage something as basic as singing back a major scale? When my teacher played do-re-mi and looked at me expectantly, I could feel the sweat forming; I wanted to get it right, but it rarely happened. My anxiety felt like a deafening roar, drowning out everything else. Eventually, I quit music and didn’t touch an instrument for nearly two decades.
Recently, my son had his first violin lesson, and the teacher started by singing a scale and asking him to repeat it. At first, he didn’t understand and flat-out refused (he’s 5 and is quite the little rebel), but with time, he mustered the courage to croak the notes back. From the kitchen, I realized I was sweating along with him. Surprisingly, he didn’t seem anxious at all. A bit confused, sure, but overall quite calm. Afterward, he joyfully sang songs to me.
Research shows that parents can unintentionally pass their anxiety to their children, particularly when it comes to math. In an article for KQED’s Mindshift blog, writer Sarah Johnson reports on a study revealing that parents who are highly anxious about math and frequently assist with homework more than a couple of times a week can transfer that anxiety to their children.
Studies on anxiety and achievement show that my overwhelming feelings about music are similar to what many experience with math. According to Johnson, “In children with math anxiety, the brain region responsible for processing negative emotions is overactive, while the areas involved in problem-solving are less active. Their fear gets in the way of their ability to tackle math challenges.” The more math-anxious parents help with homework, the more intense the issue becomes. It’s logical: If tackling a math problem makes your heart race and your palms sweaty, your child isn’t going to be thinking, “Math is so much fun! I can’t wait to calculate aircraft take-off trajectories with Mom!” Instead, they’re likely to feel the same frustration when faced with the words “order of operations.”
This issue is particularly pressing right now because kids are learning math differently than we did. The Common Core standards introduced new teaching methods that aim to be more intuitive than the traditional rote memorization we grew up with. This can leave us scratching our heads, unable to help with what seem to be overly complicated techniques.
So, what’s the solution?
One option could be to let your kids tackle their math homework independently or seek help from their teacher or a tutor. Alternatively, you could learn the new methods yourself. The lead author of the study suggested that educators should provide resources to parents, ensuring that children receive effective support at home.
I recently resumed music lessons and found that being older, along with finding a kind and patient teacher, has significantly eased my anxiety. Still, I worry that my anxiety might resurface and rub off on my son. I want us to enjoy playing music and singing together without the pressure of perfection.
I suspect math might follow a similar trajectory; like music, I found it stressful, and my anxiety often overshadowed my ability to learn. Who knows, my son may face challenges in other areas, but I hope that he can navigate difficult subjects with a sense of calm, keeping the joy of learning alive.
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In summary, parents can unintentionally pass their anxiety about subjects like math to their children, which can hinder their learning process. Finding ways to manage our anxieties and support our kids in a positive manner is crucial for their success.