The Ultimate Misnomer: ‘Mom and Baby Are Just Fine’

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When I welcomed my little one into the world last year, my partner eagerly shared the news: the baby weighed this much, measured that much, and yes, “mom and baby are doing just fine.” This phrase, which seems to follow every birth announcement like clockwork, suddenly felt utterly absurd to me.

Fine? Really?

There was nothing fine about it. The epidural failed miserably, my partner was awkwardly adjusting the IV in my hand, and the nurse seemed to be on her first day. I felt every single stitch afterwards.

And now here was this beautiful baby, clearly not thrilled about entering the world. I couldn’t blame him; our first pictures together looked like we’d both just come off a rollercoaster ride. We were both in a state of utter chaos, and “fine” didn’t even begin to cover it.

As I lay there, unable to get up while my little one cried, I was furious. Surely we couldn’t be the first mother-and-baby duo to be inaccurately labeled as “fine.” How many other women were told they were “fine” when they really needed something—anything—after the exhausting journey of childbirth? Sleep, a hot meal from the cafeteria after hours, perhaps even a moment of peace? I was willing to bet most of us had felt that way. And what kind of “baby-friendly” hospital would put my newborn in a plastic crib while we both looked like lost puppies?

It was outrageous to me that two people who had just endured such a monumental experience could be so casually brushed off with a term as bland as “fine.” It reminded me of the disheartening reality I’d faced during pregnancy: unless you were missing a limb, you were “fine.” Unless you were holding hostages on a rooftop, you were “fine.” Just ignore the pain, overlook the fears, take your vitamins, obsess over every little rule, and keep moving forward. Heaven forbid you express anything other than joy during those 40 weeks, because many other women would give anything to be “fine” like you.

Reflecting on my journey, I realized how fortunate I was to have made it through a “fine” pregnancy. Yes, it was filled with stress, discomfort, and the looming dread of sleep deprivation to come. But that was behind me now. We were not just fine—we were phenomenal. My little guy? He was the most precious baby on the planet, and I had brought him here.

Do we call someone who just completed an Ironman “fine”? No, they’re exceptional. Were the gladiators in the arena merely “fine”? No, they were heroes. When Michelangelo finished painting the Sistine Chapel, did anyone call his work just “fine”? Absolutely not; he was a master. Did Joseph tell the shepherds and angels that Mary and Jesus were just “fine”? Well, he probably did—men!

Even though my newborn and I were still figuring things out, we were on top of the world. We might not have known what was next, but we were sure of a few important things: We were loved, we were alive, and we had each other.

So let’s cut out the “fine” nonsense. It’s time to stop saying that and, even better, stop believing it. It’s never been a reality for anyone. Mom and baby are extraordinary beings; they are warriors. They’ve conquered birth and are more than ready to take on anything life throws their way. Mom and baby can face the world—just as soon as mom figures out how to get out of bed by herself.

For more insights on this journey, check out our other posts like this one or explore this resource for all things pregnancy and home insemination. And if you’re looking for products to help on this journey, you can visit Make A Mom.

Summary

The experience of childbirth is often misrepresented by the phrase “mom and baby are doing fine.” The reality is that both mother and child go through a challenging journey that transforms them into extraordinary beings. It’s important to acknowledge the struggles and triumphs of this experience, rather than dismissing them as merely “fine.”