Rediscovering My Long-Lost Love, New York City, Years Later

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The charming photos adorning the walls of my friend Sarah’s cozy Brooklyn apartment—an old-fashioned truck in sepia tones, a dapper fox in a suit, and a striking black-and-white image of wheat—seem to taunt me. They whisper a familiar refrain: Look closely. This is the path you chose not to take.

During a recent work trip, I strolled through Sarah’s enchanting neighborhood with her and a few of her friends. She animatedly pointed out the unique architecture, local eateries, and rich history of the area. Laughter filled the air as they reminisced about the fun times shared in various bars and restaurants, revealing their favorite dishes and cocktails. I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of envy.

Fifteen years ago, in my early twenties, New York City was my dream destination—a place I wanted to explore without ever having set foot there. As I wrapped up my college years in 2000, I excitedly informed my then-boyfriend about applying for an internship at CBS in New York. He was on board, and while he landed the position, I didn’t. But that didn’t stop me. I ventured to New York that summer, caught between exhilaration and fear, my heels aching from the unforgiving pavement.

New York was everything I had imagined and more. Each visit, I envisioned living in various neighborhoods, peeking into apartment windows, and scanning job postings. Yet, I never allowed myself to seriously consider the move. Like a shy admirer, I was too scared to pursue my crush on the city. I began to focus on its downsides—high costs, crowds, and a sense of isolation—convincing myself that maybe I didn’t really want it after all. I thought it wise to be practical.

Over time, I effectively forgot about my love for New York. Since then, I married, left my career behind, welcomed two children, moved to different cities, built a new career, and began anew after a difficult marriage. Meanwhile, Sarah thrived in New York, cultivating a successful career and a vibrant social circle while exploring the world. Listening to her stories, it was evident that she and New York had formed an intimate bond, and I felt a pang of jealousy.

Those two days with her felt like a scene from a modern version of It’s a Wonderful Life, illuminating the alternative life I could have led if I had just embraced my dreams. Perhaps, if I hadn’t let fear dictate my choices, I too would be living in a charming Brooklyn apartment, indulging in weekend antiquing trips and embarking on business adventures abroad. Maybe I wouldn’t be navigating a challenging divorce or parenting solo. I’ve learned that a broken heart isn’t the worst fate; it’s ignoring your heart’s desires.

As we wandered the streets of Brooklyn after a delightful dinner, I shared my admiration for her lifestyle. She linked her arm through mine, tipsy from the drinks. She confessed she loved her life but felt something was amiss. Sarah and her friend then opened up about the challenges of finding meaningful connections in such a vast city. Despite being surrounded by millions, they felt the struggle of finding that special someone. I realized that I had spent the evening with three smart, attractive women in their late thirties, all still single. In a way, New York was the lover who kept them all at bay.

The next day, while exploring the city alone during my conference break, I contemplated our choices: hers, mine, and the one I let slip away. I decided to follow the “go” signal at each intersection, strolling for an hour while reflecting on life’s paths. I didn’t find closure or a sense of relief, but I recognized that we each choose the roads we’re brave enough to pursue. Perhaps it’s about accepting the direction that feels right in the moment.

If you can find joy in your journey, you’re doing okay. If you can look back and say, “I did my best,” and look ahead with determination, that’s what truly matters—regardless of where you live, your relationship status, or how many beautiful photos adorn your walls. It’s not about the setting but the people you share it with and the love that remains when everything else fades away.

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Summary:

The author reflects on her past desire to move to New York City and how her life has unfolded since then. Through a visit to a friend in Brooklyn, she grapples with feelings of envy and longing while realizing the importance of following one’s heart. The narrative emphasizes finding joy in life’s journey and cherishing the connections made along the way.