Dear Little One,

home insemination Kit

I’m now 28 weeks along, and I can hardly believe how quickly the time has passed. You’re getting stronger each day, and as I write this, I can feel your little kicks. It’s a strange thought that I’m nearing the end of this journey, which has mostly been smooth sailing for me. No morning sickness, minimal discomfort, and honestly, I think I’ve been pretty level-headed (at least from my perspective!). Just recently, people have started asking about you, and while my belly is definitely growing, I know I’m fortunate compared to what some other moms experience.

Here’s the thing, though: despite carrying you for so long, I don’t quite feel that deep connection yet. Sure, I love you, but it feels more like the compassion I feel for someone I see in need, rather than the bond I expected. It’s odd because I know your movements—how you kick the heart monitor and curl up to hide from it. I can predict when you’ll be active, especially at night when I’m trying to get comfortable.

I know you’re not a stranger; you’re my daughter. Yet, it feels like there’s still a layer between us. I’m certain that will change the moment I see you and hear your cries. Imagining what you’ll look like fills me with emotions reserved for those I hold dear. But right now, you seem more like a passenger in my life (and I apologize for some of the stress you’ve been along for!).

I want you to know that the thought of losing you terrifies me. I’ve never been more afraid of the “what ifs” in my life, especially the question, “What if something happens to the baby?” When I dig deeper into that fear, it’s clear that I’m most worried about not having the chance to truly know you. That’s another reason I’m confident this feeling is temporary; I know it will transform when you arrive.

So why am I sharing that I don’t feel bonded with you right now? Because, dear one, it’s a reality that many don’t talk about. In today’s social media world, everyone shares the joys of pregnancy, and while there’s some discussion of challenges, I haven’t seen anyone mention not feeling that connection. Why would they? It’s not the typical narrative.

Many women experience this disconnect, and while there are resources out there suggesting ways to bond with your unborn child, it can be daunting to see all those joyful posts from other moms-to-be. “Am I missing something?” “Why don’t I adore my baby like she does?” “Shouldn’t I feel an instant love at the first ultrasound?”

I know I may seem like the last person you’d expect to feel this way, but I do. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, I want to be the voice that reminds you it’s okay. This feeling is temporary, and it doesn’t define your capability as a mother.

I eagerly await the day I can finally feel that bond with you.

With all my love,
Mom

P.S. If you’re interested in learning more about the journey of pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource or explore this informative post about the process. And if you’re seeking tools for your own journey, this kit could be a great option!