The Underwear Drawer of a Nearly 40-Year-Old: A Journey to Declutter

home insemination Kit

I’ve been putting this off for ages. My underwear drawer has spiraled out of control, teetering on the edge of grossness. Honestly, I’m embarrassed by about 80% of what’s lurking in that space. Today, however, was the day. It was time to confront my intimates and restore order. As I stepped into the closet, a chill of apprehension coursed through me. I wasn’t quite prepared for this. So, naturally, I found myself engaging in some serious procrastination—neatening up jeans, folding shirts, and even placing purses I haven’t touched in years on the top shelf, just in case I might need them again. I even created a Goodwill pile of items that have been untouched for three years, swearing I’d wear them again someday. And then it hit me: Am I a hoarder?! But that was a thought for another day.

The moment of truth arrived, and I took a deep breath to gather my courage. My hands trembled as I pulled open the drawer. A nauseating blend of lavender, gardenia, and lime wafted out, courtesy of an overwhelming assortment of potpourri bags that almost derailed my mission. No, I told myself. I’m doing this.

Holding my breath, I dove into the chaotic mass of undergarments, flinging them onto the floor. Take that, old granny panties! And you too, nursing bra! I’m taking charge here, and with all the authority of Gandalf facing a Balrog, I declared, “You shall not pass!” back into the depths of my drawer.

Here’s what I found:

• 5 pairs of my partner’s old boxers
• 3 pairs of cozy sleep shorts
• 7 pairs of post-pregnancy underwear (three of which were in shambles)
• 9 polyester thongs from pre-pregnancy days (because, let’s be honest, hemorrhoids)
• 7 bras, four of which had seen better days over seven years ago
• 1 nursing bra (my youngest is 5, and let’s be real, we’re not having any more)
• 1 lavender sachet
• 1 gardenia sachet
• 2 lily of the valley potpourri bags from a decade ago that still emit scent (What’s in those things, anyway?)
• 1 baggie with 5 baby teeth that the tooth fairy supposedly took
• 3 notes my 7-year-old wrote to the garden fairies that mysteriously vanished
• dog hair
• a deceased moth
• various receipts from 2010
• random price tags
• 1 pair of underwear that belongs to an unknown person

Before I could second-guess myself, I swiftly gathered up the obvious items that were beyond saving. Farewell, men’s boxers; adios, old bras; au revoir, uncomfortable thongs; and goodbye, granny panties! You served me well, but it was time to let go. BOOM! I was making headway and feeling energized.

With newfound motivation, I decided it was time to organize. I rummaged through my shelf and found an old shoe box that had once housed my Crocs (don’t judge). I ripped the lid off it and began sorting: three rarely worn but lovely bras for special occasions (think weddings or maybe a romantic night, but let’s be real, probably not), one pair of granny panties (just in case), two thongs (just in case), the sachets, the baby teeth, and the fairy notes. The rest of the drawer transformed into a vast open space, free from clutter, reminiscent of a serene landscape untouched by urbanization. I dusted away the remnants of chaos, and aside from a moth causing a brief hiccup, I emerged victorious and empowered.

My four remaining bras and three pairs of comfy underwear now resided in their new organized space, as if a magic team from HGTV had swooped in and revamped it while I was off enjoying a tropical vacation. After all that, a shower was in order; I was starting to smell like chicken noodle soup and onion rings from the nervous sweat.

Reflecting on this journey, I feel compelled to share some wisdom with fellow underwear hoarders out there. Don’t be afraid! Those hole-ridden panties? Time for a proper goodbye. Lumpy bras with elastic that’s given up? Toss them without hesitation. Men’s boxers? You should feel embarrassed. Bury them alongside the old underwear. You can do this!

Cleaning out your underwear drawer is much like saying goodbye to a goldfish. It might not be something you want to do, it can feel a bit sad (but not really), and it symbolizes a sense of freedom. Ladies, do the right thing—your bodies deserve better than moth-eaten intimates. Your chest should be cradled in soft, supportive bras that don’t slip off your shoulders multiple times a day. Take pride in your undergarments and reclaim your power. Your privates will thank you—and so will you!

For more insightful tips on home insemination, check out this informative piece from Science Daily. And if you’re exploring options for your journey, Make a Mom has some great resources to help you along the way. On another note, if you’re interested in a deeper dive into this topic, you might find this post helpful too!

In summary, decluttering your underwear drawer is a cathartic experience that brings freedom and relief. By letting go of the old and unnecessary, you can embrace a fresh start with undergarments that truly represent you.