Marriage and Kids: Oh, the Struggle is Real

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Ah, the dream. Was it ever just a fantasy? Love-struck, enchanted, and utterly consumed by the idea of love. I swear, it was real. I was nearly 21, still wet behind the ears, when I met Jake—the man who flipped my world upside down. He brought life and fire into my soul, igniting thoughts of having it all: the dream.

Marriage. Children. The Dream.

And he handed it all to me. I was the bride more focused on the marriage than the wedding details. All I wanted was to be with this extraordinary man, the one I could wake up to every day and enjoy doing whatever came to mind.

The honeymoon was blissful, both immediately after the wedding and during our first year together. We daydreamed about our future child—half me, half him. It was so romantic. But then reality hit.

I went into labor and, well, pushed a baby out of my body. (WHAT JUST HAPPENED?) It was like waking from a love-induced stupor. The dreamy haze lifted, only to be replaced by what I like to call “The Life Quake.” It took weeks to adjust to the whirlwind of motherhood.

Our duo became a trio, and while that was wonderful in some ways, it certainly had its downsides. I felt like a shell of my former self—emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically shattered. Meanwhile, Jake seemed unchanged, still getting his sleep and meals like nothing was different. How unfair!

Everything shifted. He wanted intimacy, while all I craved was a moment alone in the shower. Life turned into a series of arguments, misunderstandings, and a lack of communication. For the first time, our relationship required effort. But we persevered.

I poured my feelings out, while he sat quietly, wishing for the storm to pass. We sometimes went to bed angry. I found myself crying as I watched our baby sleep, expressing my loneliness and unhappiness to him. Was it hormones? The shock of this new life? Did I miss my husband? Was I selfish? Yes, all of that.

But we hung in there. When our second child arrived, we felt like seasoned pros. It was both comforting and terrifying to know what lay ahead. We corrected many of our previous mistakes, especially regarding our relationship, which helped immensely. But guess what? It was still incredibly tough!

We faced sleepless nights, diaper changes, and a crying baby—all while having even less time for ourselves. I was convinced I would never regain my libido, no matter how hard I wished for it. The dream didn’t seem so dreamy anymore; some days it felt like a nightmare.

Yet, every now and then, I caught glimpses of Jake—the same charming man I fell for all those years ago. Those moments kept me going, and I hoped he saw the woman he fell in love with too, not just the version of me who was constantly exhausted.

As the fog of infancy began to lift, we made a mutual decision not to have more kids. It felt like a choice for us, not just for the kids. We wanted to focus on our relationship as well as raising happy, healthy children. We began asking for help—not because we were desperate, but because we wanted to carve out time for each other.

We took short trips, enjoyed date nights, and relished moments alone at home. Oh, and guess what? My libido made a triumphant return! But raising kids is still a challenge. My toddler currently wants only me, which can be draining. Juggling a witty 7-year-old is a whole other adventure.

Don’t get me wrong; this is the best time of our lives. We are grateful for our healthy, happy kids and the loving partnership we share. But it’s still a struggle.

Yet we persist, knowing that things will continue to improve. We surprise each other and ourselves, realizing that despite the changes, we are still the same two people who met all those years ago. And regardless of the challenges we face, we are genuinely living the dream, even if it’s been redefined repeatedly. It’s our dream.

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Summary:

Mia shares her heartfelt journey through marriage and parenthood, highlighting the challenges and joys that come with raising children. From the blissful days of romance to the reality of sleepless nights and relationship struggles, she emphasizes the importance of perseverance and mutual support. Despite the hardships, Mia and Jake find strength in their love and commitment, redefining their dream of family life.