5 Excuses I Can’t Possibly Exercise Right Now

home insemination Kit

Every time I manage to squeeze in a workout, I look like a tomato that just ran a marathon—red-faced and panting like I just outran a herd of stampeding elephants. And let me tell you, my inner thighs are giving me a performance worthy of a dramatic reading at an open mic night. But despite that glorious post-exercise high, I still manage to dodge working out like it’s a trip to the dentist.

My mind is a champion at conjuring up excuses. If I need a reason to skip exercise, it’s like my brain shifts into overdrive, spinning out excuses faster than I can lace up my sneakers. So, here are my top five reasons why exercising is off the table right now:

1. I Already Showered.
   The Herculean effort it takes for me to sneak away to the bathroom without interruptions is nothing short of miraculous. The idea of pulling off two showers in one day? That’s just fantasy land. Forget the Guinness Book of World Records; there’s no entry for “Mom Who Bathed Twice in One Day.” And no, being splashed by the garden hose doesn’t count.
2. My Period is Definitely Coming.
   Oh, fantastic, I just felt a cramp. That’s my body’s way of saying, “Surprise! Your period is right around the corner!” I’m convinced I read somewhere that exercising during this time can actually lead to gaining weight. Even though my cycle isn’t due for a week, I’m certain that twinge in my abdomen is a warning sign. Better to wait until next week when this whole thing blows over.
3. It’s Raining.
   Running is my go-to workout. It’s free, primal, and liberating—once I get past the initial struggle. Yet, I’ve never embraced the whole running aesthetic with fancy gear. I stick to my basic black leggings, which I have to keep pulling up, and an old shirt that has seen better days. When it rains, forget about it! I might end up running with a soggy hoodie weighing me down like I’m training for a marathon in a swamp.
4. I Don’t Trust My Stomach.
   When my stomach starts gurgling, I know I’m in trouble. I can hold it together when it comes to the urge to pee, but anything else? That’s a whole different story. The moment I venture too far from home, my bowels will likely declare a surprise reunion. Nope, not taking that risk!
5. My Kid is in Full Needy Mode.
   You know those cute videos of moms and kids doing yoga together? Yeah, that’s not happening here. If I get on the floor, my kid is all over me—literally! She’s tugging at my hair, asking a million questions, or demanding snacks. Exercise and kids? Not a combination that works for me. I need some peace to unleash my inner fitness warrior, complete with all the colorful expletives I can muster.

So, if you’re feeling the pressure from your super fit friends, feel free to borrow any of these handy excuses. Or just swing by my place. The only heavy lifting we do around here involves transferring snacks from the plate to our mouths—repeating until we’re satisfied (and maybe a little sweaty).

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In summary, we all have our reasons for skipping exercise, whether it’s battling bathroom breaks or managing the chaos of motherhood. And sometimes, indulging in a little snack time is just as fulfilling.