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8 Things to Avoid Saying to a Stay-at-Home Dad
Stay-at-home dads often hear some pretty strange comments. Why is that? For many, the idea of a man taking on this role is still a bit of a novelty. Even though more dads are stepping up to care for their children full-time, we still bump up against traditional gender expectations. The remarks we receive can range from well-meaning to downright rude. Whether at the park, grocery store, or doctor’s office, someone is bound to voice their opinion. Thankfully, many people, especially moms, support our choices, but there are definitely others who raise an eyebrow.
To help my fellow stay-at-home dads out there, I’ve compiled a list of eight things you should think twice about saying to us. This isn’t an exhaustive list, but it’s a good start!
- “Is your wife the one in charge?”
Just because I’m at home doesn’t mean I’ve given up control in my marriage. My wife and I are partners, which means we both share responsibilities. To be honest, I’m often in my pajamas all morning with my son, so if that leads people to think my wife is in charge, that’s fine by me—she actually wears the pants while I rock the comfy look! - “Did you get laid off?”
You might find it hard to believe that a dad would choose to stay home, but let’s not jump to conclusions. Just because I’m not working doesn’t mean I’m not a contributing member of my family. Masculinity isn’t defined by a paycheck, and stay-at-home dads are just as much men as those in the workforce. Please don’t assume we were pushed out of a job. - “Are you trying to make a statement?”
Nope, I’m just doing what feels right for my family. My wife is a fantastic mom, but my personality fits better with the stay-at-home role. I embrace the chaos of parenting, from dodging flying toys to wrestling with nap time. I’m not looking for accolades; a little recognition would be nice, though! - “When are you going to get a ‘real’ job?”
Really? Have you ever spent a day with a toddler? If you had, you’d know that keeping up with little ones is a full-time gig that requires a ton of energy—minus the salary. If they decide to skip their nap, good luck! - “Doesn’t it feel strange that your wife is the breadwinner?”
Let’s leave those outdated gender roles in the past. If you’re uncomfortable with a woman earning more, that’s your issue, not mine. Real men prioritize their family over their ego. - “Are you just babysitting?”
This question makes me cringe. You wouldn’t ask a woman the same thing! I’m a dad, and looking after my child is my responsibility, not a side hustle. Babysitting is for teenagers, not for parents. - “Are you Mr. Mom?”
No, I’m not Mr. Mom. That term was cute years ago, but it’s outdated. I’m a dad, and I don’t need to change my identity to take care of my kids. - “Do you have a lot of free time? Do you binge-watch TV?”
I might catch an hour of TV with my son, but mostly it’s educational stuff like Sesame Street. If you think I have free time, you clearly haven’t experienced the whirlwind of a toddler’s day. During my child’s first year, my only downtime was during nap time, which usually meant I was lying on the couch trying to recover.
If anyone asks me why I’m a stay-at-home dad, I’ll just say what my friend Jake does: “I retired at 35 after winning the lottery!”
In summary, while being a stay-at-home dad is a rewarding role, it comes with its own set of challenges and assumptions from others. It’s important for people to understand that this choice is valid and that it doesn’t define our masculinity or worth.