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I Just Really Need You to Stay
Parenting
By Lily Anderson
Updated: Jan. 4, 2018
Originally Published: Sep. 25, 2015
My son is 7 ½, and as summer gives way to second grade, I still find myself lying with him until he drifts off to sleep. I often describe him as a live wire—his mind is always whirling, and his body moves with it. While he enjoys cuddling, he’s not the type to snuggle back like his younger brother. In fact, he’s never been one to fall asleep easily—not as a baby, a toddler, or now. It takes him quite a bit of time to unwind, and he’s always needed my help with it.
Usually, I’m the one who puts him to bed. His dad can step in occasionally, but I’m the go-to parent, and I handle it almost every night. Why is that? Is it because I’m the mom and there’s something inherently comforting about mothers? Maybe it’s the countless nights we’ve spent together like this. Or perhaps he’s just used to me being there. It’s likely a combination of all these reasons. And even though it can be exhausting, I cherish those moments.
Once the lights are out, he starts to relax. Sometimes he reveals worries he’s been holding onto, or he’ll share his latest obsession with Minecraft or some other video game or TV show (he tends to get easily captivated). Whatever he shares feels significant—like a sacred secret—just between us.
This summer, with our recent move, he’s had a bit more anxiety. What used to be a 20-minute routine is now stretching much longer. He might choke up and say, “I can’t fall asleep,” and I reassure him, “You will. Your body needs sleep, and it will come.” In the past, if things took too long, I could sneak away for a snack and let his dad take over, but that escape route has been off the table lately.
One particular night, after what felt like an eternity, I was growing restless and a bit annoyed. I was trying to mask my impatience, but after a long day, it was almost 10 p.m., and I was ready to call it quits. I was beginning to resent being the only one who could help him sleep, feeling like my parenting shift was extending beyond my husband’s.
Just when I thought I could sneak out, I heard a soft sigh of sleep escape him. As I tiptoed to the kitchen, he appeared in the doorway, squinting at the light. “I just really need you to stay,” he said, his voice trembling and a few tears escaping. In that moment, all my annoyance faded to regret. “I’m sorry, sweetie,” I whispered, wrapping him in my arms. I wasn’t sure if he sensed my frustration, but I genuinely felt remorseful.
What struck me deeply was how openly he expressed his needs. My son is bright and articulate, yet like many kids—especially those who think a lot—he sometimes struggles to communicate his feelings clearly.
While our arrangement might seem unrealistic to some, it works for us, and I believe he will eventually outgrow it. I hope that through these countless hours spent together—first cuddling him as a baby, then holding him in my arms, and now mostly just being present and listening—I have shown him that his feelings and needs are important and that he can safely share them.
If you’re exploring similar topics, check out this resource on fertility or this guide on home insemination kits. And if you’re curious about more parenting insights, you might enjoy reading this blog post too!
Summary:
This article reflects on the deep bond between a mother and her son as they navigate bedtime routines. The mother shares her experiences of comforting her child, who struggles with anxiety and sleep, especially after a recent move. Despite the challenges, she treasures these moments and hopes to instill a sense of safety in her child when expressing his feelings.