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I’m the Parent Who Chooses Not to Drink
I choose not to drink because my father had a serious drinking problem. He spent a lot of my high school years in jail for DUI offenses. I vividly remember him stumbling into my graduation, clearly inebriated. I even had to bail him out using my pizza-making earnings. He passed away at just 49, which really shook me. Back then, I thought 49 was ancient, but now in my 30s, I see just how young he was. He missed my kids, my college graduation, and my wedding. He should still be here, but life had other plans.
That’s not to say I’ve never had a drink. I did, but I stopped after getting married. When I drank, it felt uncomfortable, like wearing a suit that’s two sizes too small, and all I could think about was my dad.
When I became a parent, my wife and I agreed that we wouldn’t drink at all. We started practicing Mormonism just before our wedding, and I’ll admit, that helped us connect with other parents who also abstain. But as I dive deeper into fatherhood and parenting blogging, I often feel like the odd one out. I have a coworker who unwinds with his “papa juice,” which is gin, claiming it helps him cope with bedtime chaos. I can understand the temptation. There are moments when I really could use a drink to ease the stress of parenting.
I see memes about parents and wine, and I remember that hilarious scene from Christmas Vacation where Clark asks his father how he survived the holidays, to which his father responds, “I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.” Sometimes, I wish I could reach for that help, especially during the holidays. When I’m out with other parents, I often find myself at the table with nothing but a white straw in hand while everyone else enjoys their drinks.
I’ve lost friends over my choice not to drink. Some people have even tried to pressure me into having a drink, as if taking just one sip would make me more fun or relatable. As a sober parent, it can feel frustrating and absurd.
People often ask how I manage parenting without alcohol, as if my sobriety is some kind of superpower. I share my story about my father and my faith, and when they inquire if it’s for health reasons, I respond, “not really.” I recount how I live a perfectly ordinary life without needing a drink. Some parents understand; most don’t. It seems that many believe there’s no valid reason not to drink, and that’s a bit unsettling.
I’ve had friends jokingly ask if I’m a monk and others tell me my life must be boring without alcohol. But honestly, parenting is anything but boring to me.
I can say without a doubt that I haven’t missed any moments of my kids’ lives. I engage in everything with a clear, sober mind. I remember the good and the bad, feeling the stress and the love fully without any haze. I don’t crave a night out with drinks. I save money and don’t have to worry about my kids getting into alcohol like I did when I was younger. I’m not concerned about alcohol ruining my family as it did for my parents.
Maybe my choice is rooted in my experiences with my father. Perhaps if I let loose a little, I wouldn’t feel as burdened. But I can’t, and I won’t.
The unfortunate truth is that being a non-drinking parent can feel isolating. Sometimes it seems like other parents are hesitant to trust me or invite me over, thinking I’ll be the boring sober one at the gathering.
If you have a friend who’s a non-drinking parent, remember that they made a personal choice. They decided against drinking, and that deserves respect. They’re not odd or untrustworthy. You don’t need to try to convince them to drink, believing it will make them more fun or relaxed. They’re not looking down on anyone or missing out on enjoyment. They just don’t drink, and that’s perfectly fine. So go ahead and invite them out, befriend them, and just accept their choice without making a fuss. They have their reasons, and those reasons are good enough.
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In summary, choosing not to drink as a parent can feel isolating, but it’s a personal decision that deserves respect. There are many ways to enjoy life and parenting without alcohol, and understanding friends can make all the difference.