How to Get Information Out of Your Teenager Without the Drama

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When it comes to chatting with your reluctant teen, sometimes you need to think outside the box. Instead of the usual open-ended questions, consider a more detailed approach to uncover those elusive nuggets of information. Here’s a little example to illustrate the technique:

Parent: How was school today?
Teen: It was boring.
Parent: What was the most boring part?
Teen: The whole thing was boring.

Now, let’s try a different method: asking a series of specific questions about what you already know. This approach can lead to some surprising revelations. Take this scenario:

Parent: Did you get the audition music from your band teacher?
Teen: I didn’t go to band today.
Parent: Where were you then?
Teen: At the Geography Bee.
Parent: Were you excused from band for that?
Teen: I was in the Geography Bee.

Parent: Wait, you were actually competing?
Teen: Yeah.
Parent: Wow! That’s a surprise! Any other exciting news?
Teen: Nope.
Parent: Please keep me in the loop about any school events you’re involved in.
Teen: I’m in the Spelling Bee next week.

You can see how asking pointed questions can lead to more detail. The trick is to keep your teen engaged without letting them escape the conversation too quickly. For maximum effectiveness, consider having these chats while driving—just make sure everyone’s buckled in!

Another Example

Parent: Are you going to Homecoming next week?
Teen: I guess so.
Parent: Who are you going with?
Teen: A bunch of us are talking about it.
Parent: Who’s “a bunch of us?”
Teen: [Names a mix of boys and girls.]
Parent: Are you going with a specific girl?
Teen: I guess.
Parent: Do you know which one?
Teen: Sort of.
Parent: How do you know her?
Teen: She asked me, and I said yes.

From this back-and-forth, I learned the color of her dress (purple), her favorite flower (rose), and that my son was expected to coordinate his tie and pocket square with her outfit (yes, and yes). The magic question, “Am I invited to where you’re taking pictures?” revealed that I was indeed invited. No way an open-ended question would have led to such details! Plus, who has all day? Basketball practice waits for no one.

So, is there anything else I should know? Remember, the key is to be engaged, curious, and a little playful with your questioning. If you’re interested in more advice on parenting and related topics, check out this post.

Summary

To get information from your teenager, try asking specific questions rather than relying solely on open-ended ones. Engaging them in conversation while they’re occupied, like during a car ride, can lead to surprising insights. With a little creativity and persistence, you can uncover what’s really going on in their life.