A Friendly Guide for Expecting Moms: Navigating OB Appointments

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Pregnancy can be an exciting adventure, but those routine OB appointments? Well, they’re a bit of a mixed bag. A friend of mine, expecting her first child (bless her heart!), recently asked what those monthly visits entail. Here’s a lighthearted breakdown to prepare you for what’s to come!

1. First things first, check in at the front desk and brace yourself for the 27 questions about your insurance and address that hasn’t changed since the dinosaurs roamed the earth.
2. Next, settle into a chair that feels about as comfy as a wooden bench with tacks sticking out. Get cozy, because you could be waiting a while!
3. Try your best to avoid eye contact with the other patients, especially that one sweet grandma who didn’t get the memo that chit-chat about the weather is not what you signed up for.
4. Pretend to be interested in the outdated issues of Golf Digest and Good Housekeeping that are gathering dust on the table.
5. Play a game of “Who’s Pregnant?” with the waiting room crowd. That lady in the corner? She keeps you guessing!
6. Feel grateful you’re not the mom wrestling four rambunctious kids while waiting for your appointment.
7. Listen in on the woman who’s making a very public phone call on speaker. Doesn’t she see the sign that says “No cell phones”?
8. Smile at the cute couple in for their first prenatal appointment. Hey dude, good luck watching your partner go through the not-so-fun parts of the exam. (If you’re in that boat, maybe let him sit out the next few visits unless it’s a big ultrasound!)
9. Wish you’d thought to pack a snack since you’re absolutely starving.
10. Briefly contemplate wrestling the Luna Bar from the woman next to you, but then remember it’s probably the gross coconut flavor.
11. Take out your phone and scroll through your apps because who even cares about the “No cellphones” sign at this point? You’ve seen eight people leave and no one go in yet!
12. Overhear the new patient loudly complaining about the wait. Seriously, lady, you haven’t even started reading the old magazines yet!
13. Yay! Your name is called! Wait, why are you excited about getting your lady bits examined?
14. Step on the scale and fight back tears as you see the number.
15. Cringe as the nurse shakes her head at your blood pressure reading.
16. Attempt to pee in a cup that’s so tiny even a sniper would struggle. Guess what? You’ll probably get lectured about drinking more water, even though you feel like you’re drowning already.
17. Repeat your estimated due date and last menstrual cycle details for what feels like the fifth time that day.
18. Pull up your shirt and pull down your pants enough for the nurse to check for fetal heart tones using the Doppler. Try not to panic while she searches for the heartbeat. Good luck getting that sticky gel off!
19. Cross your fingers this appointment doesn’t require an internal exam.
20. Spoiler alert: it probably will.
21. Strip down in an exam room that’s either freezing cold or hotter than the sun.
22. Balance yourself on that crunchy paper atop the exam table and read the birth control posters on the wall to pass the time.
23. Wait.
24. And wait some more.
25. Wait until you feel like screaming from boredom.
26. Oh, a knock on the door! Finally, let’s get this show on the road!
27. Surprise! There’s an intern with the doctor—who’s younger and way too cute. This is going to be awkward.
28. Stare at the not-so-relaxing mountain stream poster on the ceiling while the doctor does their thing. Fingers crossed you don’t spot after that lovely exam.
29. Questions, questions! Wait, what were you going to ask again? Make a mental note to jot them down next time.
30. Blood work? Sure, why not! They’re only taking a gallon of your essence.
31. Schedule your next appointment with the receptionist, who reveals there’s only one time slot left for the next decade.
32. Leave feeling like you need a shower, an iron supplement, and—oh yeah—more water.
33. Swing by Burger King and order onion rings, convincing yourself they count as veggies.
34. Make a mental note to bring a book and a snack next time. (Spoiler: you’ll forget.)
35. Rinse and repeat in a month or sooner.

Exciting stuff, right? Some visits might include diabetes screenings or tests that make you anxious while you await results. And ultrasounds? Don’t get your hopes up unless it’s a special appointment. But hey, remember: you’re on the path to becoming a mom, and that’s truly something wonderful!

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Summary:

This guide humorously outlines what to expect during routine OB appointments during pregnancy, from check-in to the examination itself. It touches on the waiting game, the awkward moments, and the overall experience—reminding expecting moms that while these visits can be mundane, they’re a crucial part of the journey to motherhood.