7 Lessons About Grief I Learned the Hard Way

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Hey there! I want to share some personal insights about grief that I’ve stumbled upon during my journey. Just yesterday, I found myself on the floor in my pajamas, crying over an Adam Sandler movie. Yeah, I know—definitely a low point (or maybe a new high?). The day before marked nine months since my dear friend Jamie passed away.

At first, the first few 27ths after Jamie’s death felt manageable. It seemed like a date on the calendar, but as time went on, the grief hit harder than I expected. Months 6, 7, 8, and 9 turned out to be challenging, and I realized that grief doesn’t follow a neat timeline. It can sneak up on you in unexpected ways, and sometimes you just find yourself crying on the floor.

Here are a few things I learned about grief:

1. Grief Doesn’t Follow a Schedule.
   The things you think will be difficult might not be, while unexpected moments can catch you off guard. Those first occasions without your loved one? Tough. But even the second or third times can be just as hard. Eventually, you might find yourself laughing and crying at the same time, and that’s okay—embrace those moments.
2. Grief Can Be Awkward.
   It’s tough to navigate social situations when you’re grieving. What should you say or do? How do you explain your feelings to new people? Sometimes, you might even blurt out things that surprise yourself. It’s a process, and you’re not alone in feeling awkward.
3. Grief Can Make You Brutally Honest.
   You might find yourself losing patience for small talk and being more candid than usual. Dark humor might become a coping mechanism, which can be a bit socially unacceptable, but it’s a natural reaction.
4. Grief Can Zap Your Energy.
   Some days, you might feel like embracing life, while other days, all you want is to binge-watch your favorite shows and eat ice cream. And you know what? Those days are perfectly fine.
5. Grief Has No Rules.
   It doesn’t care about your plans or how you want to feel. Sometimes it might bring out tears in public, embarrassing moments, or even motivate you to honor your loved one in beautiful ways. It’s a mixed bag, and that’s normal.
6. Grief is Just a Part of You.
   While the loss can feel overwhelming, it doesn’t define you. Grief is like a fog that sits on you, but beneath it, you remain who you are—changed but still you.
7. You’re Never Alone in Your Grief.
   Knowing that others have walked this path can be comforting. Many have faced similar pain, and if they can survive and find joy again, so can you. If I can cry through an Adam Sandler movie, then you can too!

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To summarize, grief is a complex journey that often defies expectations. It can be awkward, draining, and feels isolating, but it’s also a part of your life that doesn’t define your entire identity. Embrace your feelings, allow yourself to grieve, and remember you’re not alone in this.