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Should You Encourage Your Child to Pursue Music Lessons?
Last week, my 5-year-old son, Oliver, started taking violin lessons, and his enthusiasm is, well, lukewarm at best. My partner and I both enjoy playing guitar and singing together, so Oliver has been surrounded by music since he was a baby. He loves to sing and even asked for lessons after receiving a hand-me-down violin from a friend. However, during his first lesson, he clammed up and only reluctantly echoed the melodies the teacher introduced. We’re still uncertain if he’ll want to keep going or if he’ll practice enough to make the lessons worthwhile.
My partner, Daniel, and I have differing opinions on whether we should make him stick with it, even if he’s not fully on board. I believe that learning an instrument, reading music, and developing an ear for it is a fantastic gift for a child, even if he doesn’t realize it yet. In my view, weekly lessons and daily practice should be a non-negotiable part of his childhood. Daniel, on the other hand, feels that music should be a source of joy and that children—and adults too—should only pursue it if they genuinely want to and at their own pace.
We both draw from our musical pasts; we each took violin and piano lessons but weren’t forced to practice, and we could quit whenever we chose. As adults, we picked up the guitar, and while Daniel became quite skilled, I find myself still learning. He’s content with his musical journey and doesn’t regret stopping his childhood lessons, but I sometimes wish my mother had nudged me to keep going. (I can almost hear her saying, “Good luck forcing a stubborn 10-year-old to practice scales.”) So yes, maybe that’s wishful thinking on my part; getting a child to commit to hours of practice can be quite the challenge. If Oliver really resists, I may just throw in the towel as well.
For now, we’re focusing on keeping music enjoyable—doing family sing-alongs and crafting silly tunes together. He has an uncanny ability to sense when we might be trying to sneak in a lesson, like when I sing scales and call it the “numbers song.” Right now, only train songs will do! One thing we do understand, at least somewhat, is the psychology of a 5-year-old: Oliver can stay up 20 minutes later than his younger brother, but only if he wants to play or sing a song with us. Plus, the violin is his “special thing”—his brother isn’t allowed to touch it.
There’s no reason music shouldn’t remain fun. I’m not entirely sure why I didn’t enjoy music as a kid but do now. (Daniel suggests it’s because, as adults, we control our schedules, choose our teachers, pick the songs we want to learn, and decide how much we practice. Children often lack that level of autonomy.) Even if he decides to move on from the violin, he can explore other instruments or just enjoy singing with us. And if he ultimately chooses to step away from lessons altogether, I still hope he becomes an engaged listener, allowing music to enrich his life forever. That, in itself, would make it all worthwhile.
If you’re diving into the world of music or other creative outlets, check out our other blog posts for more parenting insights. Plus, if you’re looking into family planning, this resource and Make a Mom can offer some fabulous tips for at-home insemination options, while UCSF provides excellent information on IVF.
Summary
Balancing the desire to give your child the gift of music with the need to let them explore their interests can be tricky. While some parents might feel that mandatory lessons are essential, others believe that children should pursue music at their own pace. Fostering a love for music through family engagement can be a wonderful approach, even if formal lessons are not a fit.