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Try Harder Tomorrow: A Parenting Reflection
“If you don’t want to swim, don’t swim,” said a lovely older woman with bright blue eyes and flowing gray hair. I remember her hair vividly because she was so focused on mine, gently stroking my long, brown locks while her ocean-blue gaze met my green eyes. We were far from any swimming pool, and at that moment, I didn’t fully grasp what she truly meant. She was an Alzheimer’s patient, and her words have stuck with me ever since, long before I became a parent. We were visiting my husband’s grandfather in a hospital wing for Alzheimer’s patients, and this woman seemed to be drawn to me; the nurse suggested that I must have reminded her of someone. I sat there, allowing her to stroke my hair while she repeated her swimming mantra, occasionally cupping my face to hold my gaze. Over the years, I’ve come to see her words as a metaphor—don’t do what you don’t want to do—but lately, I’ve been applying them to my life with my son.
My son is almost 6 years old, and he can’t swim. I’ve echoed her words to him: “If you don’t want to swim, don’t swim.” However, it’s about safety; he needs to learn. If he doesn’t feel like swimming, that’s fine, but he should at least know how. Despite our best efforts, he’s terrified of the water. When he was just two, we went to the beach, and even with a fenced-in pool at our rental, he wouldn’t go near it. We coaxed, bribed, and finally got him to stand by the pool on the last day of our trip, but he screamed the entire two minutes we thought we might be traumatizing him. So, we decided to try again later.
Later came when we enrolled him in a swim class the following year. My husband joined him for the Mommy and Me classes. At 3, he clung tightly to his dad while the other kids splashed around. We didn’t push him; he stayed in floaties and has never been in water without an adult. This cycle has continued through year after year, swim class after swim class, beach visit after beach visit. He steadfastly refuses to swim, and it doesn’t seem to stem from being strong-willed (as we once thought) or not being adventurous (as others have suggested). He is indeed strong-willed, but never has he resisted something like this. He’s adventurous in many ways—he loves meeting new friends, trying different foods, attending new summer camps, and quickly picking up musical instruments. But swimming? No way.
He turns 6 next week, and we have a trip planned to visit my brother in California, including a trip to a water park at the end of August. He needs to swim! So last night, my husband started taking him to the pool at the YMCA. My son sat on the pool steps for 45 minutes, listing all the reasons he didn’t want to swim. Finally, he took a deep breath and stepped in. He kicked his feet and started to swim.
As I tucked him in that night, he shared his feelings about the experience. I could sense his disappointment that it took him so long to find the courage to get into the water. He expressed how scared he was and that he felt embarrassed for not being able to swim at almost 6 years old. I explained why it was important for him to learn and encouraged him to simply do his best. I reassured him that if he tried, there was no reason to feel embarrassed; the only way to know what he’s capable of is to give it a shot. As we snuggled in, he hugged me tightly and whispered, “Well, I will just try harder tomorrow.”
Isn’t that what we all can do? Just try harder tomorrow. As I lay there with him, I remembered that wise woman from so long ago, delivering a message I now understand: If we don’t want to swim—or face whatever challenges come our way—we don’t have to. But if we never try, how will we know what we might miss out on? I hope my son grasps this lesson: Be brave, try new things, and if you decide after your attempt that it’s not for you, that’s perfectly okay. It’s the effort that counts.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the importance of trying new things and facing fears through the lens of parenting. The author shares her experiences with her son’s fear of swimming, drawing parallels to a lesson learned from an Alzheimer’s patient. The message emphasizes that while it’s okay to avoid things we don’t want to do, we should always be encouraged to try new experiences to discover our true capabilities.