Let me kick things off by saying I’m not the type of mom who enforces strict rules. My kids watch TV and sometimes indulge in snacks that might as well glow in the dark. I’m not competitive and really couldn’t care less about how others choose to raise their children. Sure, I emphasize good manners, and my kids leave the house clean, fed, and (mostly) happy. Honestly, that feels like a win most days.
Before I became a parent, I was pretty shy and wouldn’t have said boo to a goose. These days, however, I’ve found a new enjoyment in standing up to strangers when they decide to meddle.
When my son was my only child, I was constantly apologizing for him. If he cried in public, I would turn around, desperately trying to make eye contact with others to explain. I spent so much time worrying about what others thought that I neglected to focus on comforting him, which likely would have made him cry less. Looking back, I cringe at my overreactions. He was just a baby, after all; crying is part of the deal.
Then came my first daughter, and things got a bit more chaotic. Managing two little ones in public can be a real challenge. They love to ask awkward questions and have perfected the art of lying on the floor and screaming when we need to leave somewhere fun. This has significantly diminished my concern about what onlookers think.
“Oh dear! Are they tired?”
“Nope, just being naughty.”
“I see. Have you tried insert boring advice that doesn’t apply to my kids?”
Pre-kids me would have listened, but now? “No,” is my polite yet firm response.
With the arrival of my third child, another daughter, I encountered a whole new level of unsolicited advice and even disapproval for my parenting. My youngest can throw some epic tantrums, screaming and kicking in ways that would impress any toddler. During a recent six-hour train ride with my three kids—ages 6, 3, and 2—my little one had just one meltdown. We were crammed onto two seats, and she wanted to roam the aisle.
Suddenly, the tantrum erupted. She wailed, hit me with a board book, and cried louder and louder. As I stroked her hair, trying to soothe her without getting too involved, even my older kids were embarrassed.
Out of nowhere, a woman, probably in her 50s, pushed her way through the packed carriage. With a furrowed brow, she bent down close to my daughter’s face and shushed her sharply, finger pointing in a scolding manner. Only after that did she turn to me, looking furious, and barked, “That’s enough!”
Before I could process her rudeness, my older daughter, lacking any sense of decorum, piped up: “Don’t shout at my sister,” and pointed at me, “That’s her job.”
She was right. Until my kids are old enough to know better—let’s say 20—no one but my husband and I have the authority to discipline them. I may appear to be handling things poorly, and sometimes I honestly don’t care if my kids are being loud.
The woman left as quickly as she arrived, leaving me to decide whether to blow my lid or just roll with it. Just then, a kind lady across the aisle leaned over and said, “Sorry to interrupt, not trying to interfere, but do you want my seat? I’m getting off in 20 minutes, and it looks like you need it more than I do.” I nearly teared up with gratitude. I was so glad I hadn’t yelled at The Shusher that I felt like a noble heroine in my own cringe-worthy story.
So next time you’re tempted to apologize for your child’s outburst or feel the urge to retaliate against a rude stranger, take a breath. Remember, the good folks outnumber the rude ones by at least 10 to 1. Give or take.
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Summary:
Parenting can be challenging, especially in public spaces where unsolicited advice often comes from strangers. It’s crucial to remember that only you and your partner have the authority to discipline your children. Kindness often outweighs rudeness, and recognizing this can help maintain your composure in trying situations.